I dont know how i could express what i am feeling at the moment in words. Ill try. I always had suicidal thoughts in my mind. Every single bad event or memory would trigger these thoughts. My mom was my anchor to the world. She helped me face everyday with a smile. The worst part is she didnt even know I had all these thoughts. She had a brain stroke recently and was left paralyzed. This was a huge blow for me. Coupled with this I had to move to the US to complete my graduation.I feel like this is sucking the life out of me. I have no one to talk to( I am scared of talking to and opening up to people).I cant concentrate on anything or any activity. Life is haze now. I cant help but lie about my grades and well being to my parents as I don't want to disappoint them. One second im filled with self loathing and the next i don't want to live. Please Help me. I dont want to die but the pain is too much.