I cant take the pain and confusion anymore

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by dota2player, May 13, 2015.

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  1. dota2player

    dota2player New Member

    I dont know how i could express what i am feeling at the moment in words. Ill try.

    I always had suicidal thoughts in my mind. Every single bad event or memory would trigger these thoughts. My mom was my anchor to the world. She helped me face everyday with a smile. The worst part is she didnt even know I had all these thoughts.
    She had a brain stroke recently and was left paralyzed. This was a huge blow for me. Coupled with this I had to move to the US to complete my graduation.I feel like this is sucking the life out of me. I have no one to talk to( I am scared of talking to and opening up to people).I cant concentrate on anything or any activity. Life is haze now. I cant help but lie about my grades and well being to my parents as I don't want to disappoint them. One second im filled with self loathing and the next i don't want to live.

    Please Help me. I dont want to die but the pain is too much:(.
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    NOw is the time to talk to the councilor at your school get the help you need NOW ok don't wait they can put your courses on hold so you don't fail them you have to talk to someone now though so you don't lose your year Talk to your parents they want to see you well ok not in pain and sadness let them help you
  3. dota2player

    dota2player New Member

    I cant talk to my parents. Im afraid my mom wont survive the shock. Ive always put up a happy facade. It has finally broken down. Im finally going home
  4. Leolsrik

    Leolsrik Well-Known Member

    Don't underestimate your parents. Open up to them and ask for help. Lying in order to protect them isn't fair to you OR to them.
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