I can't take this anymore

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Ellie Grey, Apr 1, 2013.

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  1. Ellie Grey

    Ellie Grey Well-Known Member

    I feel like shit.
    I'm so stupid, I keep trusting the wrong people. In the end they call me all kinds.
    I can't stop dreaming about it all, I don't want to sleep. My family ask how I am and sometimes I catch them looking at me and they ask if I'm okay.
    I try and tell them how I feel, hell I drop hints more than anything and they know what the hints are, I can see it in their eyes.
    I'm a little drunk at the minute so maybe I feel worse because of that, either way I feel like this a lot.

    My mother seems to be drinking more and taking ultra strong meds to knock her out since she's been with her boyfriend. All they ever talk about is his daughter and how cute/clever she is. My mum has barely even bothered talking to me.
    Everything is getting so much worse, there is nobody in real life to talk to. I'm sick of all this god dammit, crying all the time and feeling this way.
    And No! No doctor will talk to me, none of them will refer me, my school won't, the fucking mental health centre for children won't do shit.
    There is no way to talk to anyone in authority who won't say the same, even going to a hospital they wouldn't do anything.
    I'm sick of everyone ignoring me! Why the fuck does nobody ever bother? Why do I constantly see moody teenage idiots getting counseling and everything and I am the one that is said 'I'm not depressed' when it's obvious I am fucking depressed.

    All I ever get is the same fucking responses 'Nothing wrong with you' 'You have to stop relying on people you'll be an adult soon' and 'just deal with it, we (adults) all have to do the same'

    I keep wanting to break things, I get so angry I want to scream. It's either 'It's pathetic to allow your fathers death to ruin your life, he wouldn't want that' Or 'I don't think bereavement is what you need since it never worked last time'

    Grr, I never wanted help for a long time and now that I do, they don't fucking bother.

    I don't even have the guts to kill myself, I'm so pathetic. I can't even do anything right. I don't want to live in this world, I can't bare the thought of living in such a horrible cruel place. It's already been made clear with all my scars I look 'fucked up' and nobody 'decent' will want to be with me.

    I apologize for my language if it offends anyone. I'm too bloody angry right now.
  2. Perfect Melancholy

    Perfect Melancholy SF Friend

    hey your language does not offend me, though I can have a potty mouth!

    Okay so what I am reading is you do want help, which is great but the docs are a no go. Have you tried emailing or calling a charity to talk through your options I have no idea where you are in the world, I presume America? (from the z in apologise) so there are plenty of them there you could even email who could go through options, its just an idea? sorry if it isnt a good one
  3. flowers

    flowers Senior Member

    hey, I am so sorry you are in this situation. your language is okay here. Its how you feel. And you have every right to be this upset and hurt. Many people who come here reach out and get pushed away. But there are people here who know of places you can call. People in the UK. you wrote Mum. so I assume you live there. Are you a teenager? And do they have alateen where you live? Will you keep posting here please. Vent and get support here. And I will see if someone can come up with some good ideas for decent places for you to call in the UK. okay? Just hang in there. and please keep posting at sf. Because this is where you CAN get some support. Even if right now its not irl which is really what you need. I know.
  4. Theodora

    Theodora Well-Known Member

    There are Al Ateen groups in the UK . If you are in the UK there's an organisation called Sane which has a phone line (not 24hr) which can give you info on help in your area. Google them for contact details. There is also Childline which is 24hr. If you are in the UK please PM me for more info.
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