I can't take this anymore

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by LightInTheDarkestNight, Aug 3, 2008.

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  1. LightInTheDarkestNight

    LightInTheDarkestNight Well-Known Member

    So much pain physical and mental.. I've stressed myself out so badly with my thoughts that my body is attacking itself.. Now my phyical irritation preoccupys All of my day that I constatly worry about how I could have avoided the stress, it's a vicious cycle. All this stress is causing my body to attack itself even more causing more physical pain. I'm unable to watch TV without the underlying feeling of my skin burning, being irritated and tingling. What's worse is the irritation is around my mouth the most senstive area.. My lips peel.. THe skin around the sides are red and produce no moisutre with my lips thanks to sjogerns. I look like a freak and more imporant Feel Horrible...

    I'm such a chicken**** or else I would have offed myself weeks/months ago.. truth be told I don't really want to commit suicide it's looking like the only option to get away from this most miserable existence that is called my life.

    I got in a big arguement with my mom months ago and I expressed how I wanted to kill myself when looking in the mirror. after I punched the wall threw a glass it escalated and she said "go ahead do it" and left. I went down to my basement with my belt and contemplated hanging myself on my chinup bar. That was before I was feeling so irritated around my mouth..

    I want my old life back but that's not possible the only option is death. I put myself through so much pain everday, for what? For the slim chance things might be bearable or return to my old life. My dad promised me that things would get better then my old life but I don't think that's possible. This life ain't for me I'd rather die.

    I want to pass without pain or shame, my whole life is an embarrasment.
  2. Anime-Zodiac

    Anime-Zodiac Well-Known Member

    Are you using any medication or treatment to help with your irritation?
  3. xXWhateverItTakesXx

    xXWhateverItTakesXx Forum Buddy

    Have you tried seeing anyone? Like a doctor or someone?

    Just keep holding out, things can get better, not right away but they will in time :hug:
  4. i know how you feel but just stick it out for everyone you love, things should get better in time :please:
  5. LightInTheDarkestNight

    LightInTheDarkestNight Well-Known Member

    I feel a bit better ATM still really bad but it's bearable. A dental allergy can cause dermatological and neuropathic problems. I am prone to alot of allergies as well. I've got a ton of doctor apointments set up dentist , dermatologist, alternative doctor, regular doctor.

    it's very possible I'm allergic to dental acylates and the bonding sealant material. I was feeling bad physically and mentally before I saw the dentist and that just made things alot worse. Benadryl helps somewhat which makes me think that some of my issues are allergy related. I'm going to have to wait 2 weeks to get all of my fillings out. OTC painkillers barely do anything even ones with codiene don't do much. Maybe oxycodone is what I need...

    I'm going to get an HIV test tommrow which wouldn't cause the severity of the facial irritation I've been having. With that said if my body is already worn down it could exaserbate another condition(doggy pile of problems). I have/had alot of the symptoms like an acne like rash/bumps, swollen lymph nodes, sore muscles, sore joints, malaise, fatigue, mouth ulcers, neuropathy, a bit of a sore throat, headache.

    Albeit these symptoms are pretty common to alot of viruses except for the acne like bumps and mouth ulcers., atlhough they've lasted much longer then a normal virus. swollen lymph nodes are also a sign of cancer etc, which who knows could be a problem with all the mouth(and around area) / lip irritation I've been having. More likely I have a allergy a virus like hepatitis, HIV..

    I Probably sound like a hypocondriac but I do have feel really bad physically which is your bodys way of telling you there is something wrong. I'm very in tune with my body, I'm not just some paranoid symptom searching guy.

    I should know what's wrong with me in the next month or two. It feels like i'm dying a slow and painful death. If/When I do feel better I will be that much more grateful.I'll try to stay positive my luck's gotta change for the better.

    I want to be proud of my life and what I've accomplished when it's my time to go. Not be ashamed of all my failures and unable to take the physical and mental pain.
  6. LenaLunacy

    LenaLunacy Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry to hear things have been so rough for you and i can see how it would make you feel so unbearably down.
    But at least you are getting some help to find out what all this is and whats causing it. I feel sure that your luck will change and you will start to feel better.
    :hug: pm me if ever you needa talk :)
  7. Xenos

    Xenos Well-Known Member

    You are very strong, I admire that extremely. =) I believe you will change for the better if you continue to be proud.

    Good luck
  8. jerrin

    jerrin Guest

    There's not much you can do but try to let it not get to you. I think you have to go along with doctor for getting some prescription.
  9. LightInTheDarkestNight

    LightInTheDarkestNight Well-Known Member

    A few days ago my neuropathic pain/irritation started to subside somewhat. My skin is still very irritated, in pain at times(more of a dull pain not nearly as intense), it's not so bad that I think suicide is my only way out. I'm still very miserbable though :(

    I missed my allergy shots for 4 weeks in a row partially due to how bad I was feeling, bad timing and bad luck. It's very irritating not being able to breath right, just another physical irritation to deal with.on top of things Anti histamines are really drying on the skin

    I got HIV and hepatitis tests on wednesday when I went in there the lady who took my blood was like "sh*t".. and later she was like *son of a b*tch" .. I forgot to put deorderant on so she may have been refering to some BO i had but still.

    I got a ton of other blood tests just the other day, checking for autoimmune antibodies, and just about everything else

    I have horrible luck this is what happens when I try to go out in the world, and do something with my life. I should have just stayed at home smoking weed, playing video games, working out , eating etc. Sadly enough I was relatively happy, going out every weekend or two with my one true friend or some of the girls I was semi friends with to party it up. I was getting more confident and my anxiety was lessening, despite when I smoked weed I wouldn't want to leave my house it would increase my anxiety, if I did go out after getting high earlier.

    All the stress may have triggered an autoimmune disease, and I do have the HIV rash, mouth ulcers, on top of the other symptoms I've experienced. This sweet girl I talk to on msn was like "I really hope you don't have HIV hun, cause if you did you'd be in hiding forever, and I wouldn't get to meet you"
    Wouldn't that be weird I had an autoimmune disease and HIV..

    It started off going on vacation to mexico, my lower lip swelled and started burning, and I got really paranoid. I came home still was really paranoid and feeling bad..Looking for happiness in all the wrong places I had unprotected sex with a "suspect asian girl" who could have infected me.

    Just as my skin and paranoia were getting better I ended up in a crash with a DUI, and I got put in the phsch ward. My skin felt horrible in there, tons of stress, there were a couple really nice people. after a few days people in there people were sketching me out/ making me really paranoid. It didn't help that I was barely getting any sleep and I get compuslively worrying how I could have avoided the situation, and about many mistakes I had made in my past.
    Then when I get out after a 5 days, I came home and got drunk alot. I brought another suspect girl over who could have infected me as well, she was sitting on my brothers friends and being rude. And when they were rude back she flipped out and called her family and was talking some nutty stuff. She bit me/grinded her teeth down there, before we had sex the final of 3 times.. which in all likely hood gave an extra opening for a virus to enter.

    2 1/2 years ago when my upper lip swelled / burned not sure what caused it, I said to myself please give me a chance to do something with my life, give me 2-3 years or else I don't deserve to live. Well it's funny how things work out. Just as I was trying to quit weed, by going on vacation etc things all go downhill. I should have quit weed at home especially consider my anxiety and "social phobia I suffer from at times"

    before I left to mexico I sorta thought to myself this will be a turning point to show that I can live a relatively normal life get out there in the world get a job etc, not let my anxiety and stress and physical issues(a bit of skin issues before and allergies that were mostly under control from the shots). Or that it will show I'm screwed, and that I have no hope of a normal happy future.. Why wasn't I happy just being a hermit, partially because my family wasn't they were pushing me to see physchologist who told me to get off weed and to a lesser degree dexedrin.. This is what becomes of my life :(

    This physchosis pchiatrist just thinks I need mediacation they don't realize the extent of my physical problems it's quite tragic. One of the helper ladys in the room was like how often do you go to the doctor.

    I better get to sleep I gotta see the dermatologist later this morning. I do have really long ranting threads/posts thanks to anyone who comments and takes the time to read them.
  10. kenny

    kenny Well-Known Member


    From my limited experience, the one thing that causes more mental problems than anything else is weed. Fun though it may be to get stoned and have a good time, in reality it causes all sorts of problems - forgetfulness, paranoia, forgetfulness, lethargy, forgetfulness, ahem. if you can please try to cut that out of your life.

    hope things get a bit better for you
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