I can't take this!!!!!

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Destiny, Oct 26, 2007.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. Destiny

    Destiny Member

    This was officially the worst day of my life. Hello everyone, I'm Destiny (Yeah weird name but whatever). I'm a teenager in High school and as the thread says, I can't take the pain anymore. Here is my story:

    Please don't mind my grammar, I'm not in the mood to fix anything at the moment

    I don't have a simple life, my father has parkinsons, my mother always taking care of my family that she's always stressed, and my sister is of no help whatsoever. This past month have been a living hell, i;m more than happy to take care of my family, but the things troubling me are the things at school.

    I was adopted form peru, so i of course am not going to grow up that tall, about 5'5 or 5'4. i'm currently 5- 4'11 feet tall and am one of the shortest kids in the school, the rest being freshman girls.

    In my town, shyness wasn't liked, only athletes who had backbone were loved. I had no social skills because from 6th grade to 8th, no one wanted to be my friend i never really talked to anyone besides my family. In 8th, i began to socialize more but i didn't have much experience talking to anyone, you know, just having a casual discussion so my friends think i talk weird and ignore me anytime i talk. Everyone judged others by their looks so i of course was left out of everything since i sucked at gym and had no athletic ability in a town where only that was praised.

    Every gym class, I would run back an forth during flag football or Ultimate Frisbee because no one would pass it too me, and to top that off, the field we used was the football field in front of the ENTIRE school so just about everyone, was making fun of me. (It was the day before a 3 day vacation so no one was really working hard)

    Here's one of the most hurtful comments I've ever had in gym: "Okay, all the guys are offence while all the girls are defense, oh yeah, and *Destiny* too."

    Everyday, every time i walked down the halls, i could hear their snickering, their taunts, their laughs. No matter how hard i worked in class, no matter how hard i tried at gym, no matter how hard i tried to fit in, no one excepted me, just because i was different. To make things worse, my friends are beginning to drift apart from me, because their new friends are more interesting than the short kid, their families are richer, and they don't look depressed at times.

    My parents knew of this, and i told them i would stay strong, because all my life, they were always holding my hand and acted as if i was a child, just because i looked like one. I don't want that though! i want to be treated like a man, someone who could make his own decisions. I know they did it because they cared but I want to take care of this on my own.

    There was a reason why today is teh worst day of my life though, today, the vice principal called me down to his office, apparently, all my teachers saw the way i was treated and now they held a private meeting in the middle of my last class. Not only did my parents break their promise of not telling everyone in my family, but now everyone is portraying me as a weakling who can't do anything.

    Now my friends have left me, and my teachers know I'm the biggest loser of the entire school and now pity me so badly, that they don't joke around with me, fearing they might hurt my feelings even though they do it to everyone else. I like to call my school, "The school of gossip," a school where even the most deepest secrets are somehow revealed throughout the area.

    (Most of you are saying, how can they think of you as that? or you must be overreacting or that they're you're family and they're only trying to do what's best for me. Well, don't make assumptions, you don't know my family and their ways so don't make any assumptions on what i've been through with those jackasses!),

    Not only is my entire class beginning to be aware of my secret problem since my teachers are making it obviose, but now I'm getting so much pity that i can't stand it!! I just can't take this anymore, I just want to be treated like everyone else, I jsut want to be normal. is that really so hard to ask? Why are they doing this? Is everyone I know going to betray me? I can't take this anymore, I don't want to be pittied, I don't want to be betrayed, i don't want to be humilated anymore in front of the entire school. is acceptence really so hard to gain, for someone who only wanted to make friends?

    I've been putting up with this literally ALMOST ALL OF MY LIFE!! FROM KINDERGARDEN TO MY CURRENT GRADE IN HIGHSCHOOL!! (Over Freshman year) Screw being strong and proving others wrong! I've been trying to stay strong for more than half of my life, I can't take this anymore, this world is filled with nothing but bastards and bitches who don't care who they hurt as long as they feel better about themselves. All I've ever tried to do was prove others wrong about me, but after over 10 years of trying, i've given up.

  2. geolab101

    geolab101 Well-Known Member

    try talking to someone you actually can trust. perhaps a counsellor outside of school?

    you've made it through a lot so try to stay positive and focus on your own resilience.
  3. Destiny

    Destiny Member

    I've tried, but that only made a few things worse. There are only so many things the councilor is able to do, he dug into my mind and only made me hate myself even more because of all the things I've done.

    i mean no one takes me seriously, no girls have EVER liked me, I tried being who i was but it only brought be sorrow. i just don't know what to do anymore, why should i bother staying on this earth when i'm nothing but a joke to everyone? I know i will still grow but, I'll be in college by the time that happens. If High school is this bad, I can't image how bad college will be.

    I just can't go through with all this anymore, I've stayed strong, I've tried to become stronger logically and physically but nothing has changed. My grades are C's and B's even when i try my hardest. I just have talent in anything but video games really, and i teased just because i'm only good at video games. I'm good at writing and drawing and, i'm writing a book but my skills in grammar suck. i have no talent with graphics so making a VG is out of the question.

    I'm no use to anyone or anything, all I'm here for is to suffer and be insulted for things i can't control everyday. I don't know what do do anymore.
  4. I'm not sure if you're wanting to vent or looking for advice, but regardless I'm sorry to hear about that situation. High school sucks, high school hurts, but remember that it is only a short period in your life. As for that girl, what a bitch! Are you guys freshmen? Know that kids will slowly start to mature over the next few years and people will begin to see her for what she really is. Stay strong, it sounds like you already have been for a long time.
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.