I can't talk to anyone about it

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by heyshazza, Feb 2, 2010.

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  1. heyshazza

    heyshazza Member

    I saw my therapist today and even though I'm usually able to talk to her very easily, for some reason I couldn't talk today. I wasn't able to tell her I fired my psychiatrist. I wasn't able to tell her I'm hearing voices. I wasn't able to tell her I'm suicidal and have both a plan and the means to act on it. I just sat there and looked stupid.
    She could obviously tell something was wrong and asked if I could keep myself safe until next week, and I nodded my head. Apparently that was good enough for her. But that's not going to stop me. It's not like she can do anything about me lying to her if I'm dead anyway.
  2. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    Well sometimes the truth is hard to say face to face. I always find myself lying. Because the lie is so much easier to say in real life.
  3. Bambi

    Bambi Well-Known Member

    Maybe you could write your therapist a letter? There is something about this person that you reach out to and trust but have just hit a rough spot with. As you have not fired her there must be some level of trust there and I think that it is good you trust your instinct in keeping her as well as deciding to fire the pdoc.

    Yes it is so true if we want to commit there is nothing to stop us, nothing at all but that is sort of a given anyways. Do you think you will be able to talk to her next time or do you think you do a letter or something to communicate how you feel? You have trust there I say build on it, after all therapists dedicate their lives trying to help others and there is a lot to be said about that in my book.

    Take care and stay safe, Bambi
  4. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hi shazza, welcome to the forum!

    I was going to suggest what Bambi has already suggested! Write it down and give it to her to read, it will be much easier, I know it's very hard to say those kind of things out loud.

    Does posting here help you feel any better? :hug:
    Feel free to PM me! :)
  5. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    I agree with Bambi that you should write down your thoughts and take it with you your next session.. Let you T read it..It will give her/him a better understanding where you are in life..I think he/she will take you serious and give you some hope..They aren't mind readers so you have to take that step..Please don't harm yourself.. If you find your in that state of mind come here and talk to one of us..Take Care!!
  6. heyshazza

    heyshazza Member

    I don't know if I want my therapist to know all of that. I know that she should, but it's almost as if I want to keep it a secret. I don't want anyone to know about this plan or I'll have everything taken from me that I need to follow through with it. I don't want to go back to my therapist. I've decided that if I'm this screwed up on all the meds I'm taking that I'm going to stop them. I'm going to stop seeing my therapist. I'm not going to find another pdoc. Now it will be just me and the voices. I have everything I need in a drawer. I keep taking that drawer out and counting, and wishing that now was the time. But it isn't now. It's two days from now. That's when it will be safe to do it without anyone finding me. If only I can make it two days.
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