I feel like I can't really talk to anyone about this cause I'm embaressed, guys arn't supposed to have eating disorders, especially in my chosen career. I was always overwieght growing up, as are my sisters, though one has recently changed her habits and has dropped quite a bit, and so is my mom. By the end of my freshman year of college I was 6'6'' and nearly 275lbs, much of that fat. I left college and enlisted in the Marine Corps, I lost 30lbs just to go to boot camp, and now 3 years down the road I weigh 175lbs. I know that what I see on my stomach is just excess skin, but I can't make myself believe it. I still think I'm fat when I look in the mirror. I even became a vegitarian 6 months ago in an effort to try and get rid of as much fat on my body as I could. I can see my ribs, people keep telling me how skinny I am but never feel it. I restrict my calorie intake as much as I can and still be able to function in the field for my MOS. When I look in the mirror I keep trying to convince myself that I'm not fat, but no matterwhat I tell myself or what anyone else says I cant be convinced of it. Almost every day I take in >1000, sometimes much less than that. On top of that I take redline fat burner pills too. I went through a little bulimia phase for a little over 6 months but had to stop, its hard to hide that in the barracks. I only feel better when I'm starving, like I have this pleasent little thought in the back of my head that I'm losing weight. I check my weight all the time, sometimes several times a day. The Marine Corps is obssed with physical apperance and weight so I'm sure that doesn't help. Ive been battling depression in conjunction with this, occasional suicidal thoughts, nothing to serious yet though. Ive never been actually diagnosed with an eating disorder, I've never even told anyone I feel this way. I know its not healthy for me but I can't stop feeling this way, no matter what I do I always feel fat. What I find strangest is that while I feel physically miserible often times while I'm starving, its when I feel my happiest mentally.