i cant tell ever them *rape, abuse, suicide trigger*

Discussion in 'Rape and Abuse' started by underdosed, May 18, 2007.

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  1. underdosed

    underdosed Guest

    So i got in a little trouble a few years back (about 13 or 14 yrs old then) and i ended up being....multiple times by multiple people. i had a boyfriend who would.....me and beat the shit out of me and i havent had a serious boyfriend since then (im almost 17 now). and recently i was finally ending it but i wasnt successful. i overdosed but i was about 15 minutes away from total organ shutdown. i was so angry. im tired of the sleepless nights and the sexless, relationshipless life im going to have. I flinch when people touch me. i have uncontrollable panic attacks. i wish i were dead every minute of every day.
    and the worst part is i cant bring myself to tell my councilor, therapist, or psychiatrist. and im never going to get better until i do, but i just cant tell them. i cant. i hate being alive.
     
  2. jcat

    jcat Staff Alumni

    you are not a victim. you are a survivor! so am i. you need to talk to someone. i did and it helped alot. if you can't find someone, then try writing. write about it and tell everything. then burn it as a release. i did that too.
     
  3. underdosed

    underdosed Guest

    i do write
    i journal
    but i cant even really write the word (it was hard to write the word in the trigger warning and to look at it)
    i feel so embarrassed and everytime i want to tell someone, i just cant
    its too humiliating to tell someone about it and writing it to myself just makes the flashbacks worse
     
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