i cant - trig

[yeh.]

feel my spirit..i get certain emotion like something should he there. like a painful melancholia but thats all. do i have to die because i certainly cannot see other solution. i cant be bothered to tell my peeps..not anymore they've already suffered and atm they might think i'm alright..im not..i dont know what happened. i should have known better..i feel only pain..and just yesterday i was told 'nothing happened to you, hey i lost a house and i owe a gazillions money' definetely i'd change that or any kind of loneliness for this..
this is..really, like i'm already dead. i can rationalize it but im still dead. i remember i told my therapist that i was already dead. he said 'i must be special to met somebody that can escape from death and talk to me' i told him. just a rant really. i dont know what to do. ill be ok whatever happens, i actually was NEVER suicidal. i never got this feeling that's pushing me.. ... .. . .. . . great part of me wants to live i wont lie. but is just like if i dont have a choose..i cant live without my spirit. i can live without a gf, without money. without emotional memory of my true friends..but i cant live if i dont have a spirit.. im not used to get this feelings. im not used to be suicidal.. i dont know wth im trying to i just dont know what to do anymore. i know people here are easily triggered but just i really have to let it go...ingore it. yeah i suppose im just depressed or just not being able to find myself. i dont know anymore. i feel like i did this to myself which is even worse.......................

 

[Forgotten_Man]

I wish that I was more emotionally dead... but we cannot all be.

So I come here to figure out that kind of stuff..... I still am suicidal. I don't know if this was a rapid change in your life, your suicidal feelings, or if it has been there for a while. All I know is that if they were not there once you should be able to escape them again.

 

[yeh.]

i want out..it's though to explain.everything happened, like...just yesterday two girls came..and for christ sakes i dont know who are they. they were like expecting me to be able to talk with them or hug them. deep down i knew...but i dont know who are they. i know i shouldnt feel bad about this. they were also pretty young to me. but what i guess im trying to say is that i cant relate to my old being. i felt very uncomfortable being around them because they've got no idea how much i changed. made me feel bad.. all i know and what it can be of best offer of approach is As the person experiencing a fugue state may have recently suffered an amnesic onset—perhaps a head trauma, or the reappearance of an event or person representing an earlier life trauma—the emergence of a "new" personality seems to be for some, a logical apprehension of the situation.. it's not the change of personality what's so wrong. it's the fact that evrything that went with your old personality it's somehow 'washed away' everything. but it's not like rebornign as a new man..i'ts more like startin from scratch with the memory of somebody else..ah i wish i knew how to explain it. let's just say it's a lonely place at times. also add melancholia to that and you've got not such a good picture..i'v been suicidal ever since i joined, kinda..

 

[yeh.]

ty. just sometimes i dont know what to think anymore. though i appreciate the input and the time for read-