I can't understand

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by lostsoul27, Jun 7, 2016.

  1. lostsoul27

    lostsoul27 New Member

    I have been through much emotional turmoil over the past three years. Up until April of this year I have held it together. I was in a major car accident where I totaled my car and suffered a serious concussion.

    Being who I am I kept going acting like nothing ever occured by my depression came back and hit hard. The last time I had a concussion it triggered a bad depression. This time I am in a very different situtation.

    I have a federal lawsuit pending against two major organizations one that is connected to a psych hosp visit and college the other against the dept of justice.

    I am so depressed that I have been just drinking and taking xanyax and told my psychiatrist I want to die. There response is your a fighter and you want to get through this in the community not go inpatient. This is true but my depression is not getting better it's getting worse and I told the psychiatrist I want to die and I got the xanayx and am just popping many of them at a time. There response I have some ideas we will speak about it tomorrow.

    What if there is no tomorrow, what if I just take too many and mix it with alcohol? I can't for the life of me figure out why this psychiatrist would take the risk as bad of shape I am in and know I am taking these drugs and alcohol together and just say we will talk.

    Do they want me to kill myself because that's what will eventually happen ?
  2. Brian777

    Brian777 Safety and Support Forum Pro SF Supporter

    Hey Lostsoul, I don't understand your psychiatrist either. If you feel like that, you may want to go to ER and get some help.
  3. lostsoul27

    lostsoul27 New Member

    I will never go to a ER. After what happened to me in my home state, I trust no one in the psych field. It's a horrible, lonely place to be. The mental health system is screwed up place. My fiance is non -responsive as well. No one cares I think they all really just want me to die. It really might just happen.
  4. Brian777

    Brian777 Safety and Support Forum Pro SF Supporter

    Hi Lost, yes I understand your apprehension about the mental health field, unfortunately there's still a stigma involved and a lot needs to be done to change this. There's actually a member here who is doing excellent work in that area and from her own experiences. She posted a thread on here recently, @betteroffunknown you may want to read it. Btw we don't want you to die here, that's why this forum exists and it saved my life hopefully it will give you some hope to.
    Anyway, the suggestion of ER was basically if you were going hurt yourself. Hopefully getting your thought out here will be of some help.
    betteroffunknown likes this.
  5. betteroffunknown

    betteroffunknown Well-Known Member

    I can certainly relate to your frustration, lost!!!! Sorry to hear your depression is as bad as it is, though!!! I can't/won't trust ER's anymore, either based on my recent experience. (You're welcome to read about it here only if you'd like https://www.suicideforum.com/commun...fying-and-unnecessary-hospitalization.123200/)

    It's difficult when you don't feel you have anywhere you can turn or peeps that take you seriously!!! But I must say kuddo's to you for taking the stands you have and continue to deal with!!! It's very brave of you!!! I'm doing the same although mine, at this point, are in a different venue. That may change if the necessary changes aren't made, though!!! You're not alone in this as long as we're here (and we're not going anywhere!), and hope you know that!!

    Please keep talking!!! Thanks for sharing your story with us!!! You're an inspiration!!! (Seriously)
    Brian777 likes this.
  6. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hi there, be careful with the xanax please, it is very addictive and has major withdrawal symptoms. Maybe your psych thought you would be ok because he prescribed a drug as powerful as xanax? either way i hope you are ok. How are you feeling today?
    betteroffunknown likes this.