I have been through much emotional turmoil over the past three years. Up until April of this year I have held it together. I was in a major car accident where I totaled my car and suffered a serious concussion. Being who I am I kept going acting like nothing ever occured by my depression came back and hit hard. The last time I had a concussion it triggered a bad depression. This time I am in a very different situtation. I have a federal lawsuit pending against two major organizations one that is connected to a psych hosp visit and college the other against the dept of justice. I am so depressed that I have been just drinking and taking xanyax and told my psychiatrist I want to die. There response is your a fighter and you want to get through this in the community not go inpatient. This is true but my depression is not getting better it's getting worse and I told the psychiatrist I want to die and I got the xanayx and am just popping many of them at a time. There response I have some ideas we will speak about it tomorrow. What if there is no tomorrow, what if I just take too many and mix it with alcohol? I can't for the life of me figure out why this psychiatrist would take the risk as bad of shape I am in and know I am taking these drugs and alcohol together and just say we will talk. Do they want me to kill myself because that's what will eventually happen ?