i cant do this... i can' be what every one expects me to be. i cant be who i want to be. i am nothing. i'm in my last undergraduate year in a course that was suppose to lead immediately into honours. but i completely sabotaged everything, i made sure i would get below the cut off mark in research method in order to qualify for the honours program. the only reason is that in 2nd year the plan was to stick it out until 3rd year, and then if i wasn’t talking to people i was suppose to fail this subject. lo and behold im not talking to anyone apart from one tutor who always comments on what i am wearing (i think in a bid to get me to talk) but all i seem to say is "yeah" and "thanks." but now i am discluded from honours and have zero chance of getting into another uni, and cant see me being able to hold down a job for long. and so im stuck. there’s already a plan in my head that says January is D-day. and im scared and welcoming it at the same time. i know i will go ahead with the plan if i don’t get into anything else, and that’s comforting in a way. but at the same time, im thinking it is better for me to purposely fail some f my subjects and spend an extra year in uni than what was originally planned. i dont know both are equal in my mind; but the former more so than the later. i dont know what i want out of this thread.. im sorry for wasting your time.