I can't...

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by Animosity, Oct 13, 2010.

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  1. Animosity

    Animosity Forum & Chat Buddy

    I'm so fucking scared right now!!! Ugh... I've gone almost 7 months!!! 7 months And I feel like I'm going to break thats in under 7 minutes!!!! But I can't!! Cuz then I'd hurt her. Can't stop staring at it.... Worst urges in a while. I can't do this!!!!!!!!!!!! Shaking so bad!! Ugh... Shut up Krista.. None of this matters anyway. Here's the start of a really long night and an even longer day tomorrow....UGH!!!!!!!
     
  2. absolution

    absolution Forum Buddy

    Don't ruin those seven months sweetie. Its not worth it and you know it. Can you tell us what's going on in your head?? :cheekkiss:
     
  3. Animosity

    Animosity Forum & Chat Buddy

    I honestly don't know.. I just don't. I just..don't like myself. I know you don't want to hear that but it's how I'm feeling. I'm sitting here just thinking and stressing.. Of all the things that I've fallen behind on..all the things in school, things at home I need to do.. Then I'm thinking of how I can get out of this house. Away from these stupid fighting siblings.. Away from my mother. And how I can be there to see you. Everything is just spinning and keeps going faster and faster.. And I'm just..not moving. I have no motivation to do any of it, but strive to see you. All I want to do is lay here in my warm, friendly, inviting bed under the covers and not get up. I don't want to eat. I don't want to sleep. I don't want to drink.. Until i can be with you. But I made those promises to you, and I've already broken one tonight, I'm not gonna break anymore. I'm just so scared of myself.. Most scared I've been in a long while that I was ever going to do anything.. I'm sorry..
     
  4. absolution

    absolution Forum Buddy


    No need to be sorry. We all get this low sometimes and its okay. :hug: According to your mother i am the reason you arent motivated and im the reason your down all the time... :( You think maybe she is right??
     
  5. Animosity

    Animosity Forum & Chat Buddy

    Noooooooooo!! Not at all!! Please don't even think that. You're the reason I've been getting out of bed everyday, the reason I've been taking care of myself, and my reason for just..being.
     
  6. absolution

    absolution Forum Buddy

    Okay just making sure baby :hug: :wub: get some sleep you have school in a few hours. I love you.
     
  7. Animosity

    Animosity Forum & Chat Buddy

    Hmm...usually sleeping works generally... But not this time.. I woke up and the urges are still here. I kept waking up last night from nightmares so I probably didn't get more than an hot of sleep.. I hate feeling like this.. Nothing can even begin to satisfying this feeling except... But I can't. Ughh. I'm so scared..
     
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