I chikened out!!

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Stranger1, Jan 9, 2009.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    I was suppose to go to the hospital yesterday because of my suicidal thoughts and chickened out!! My augoriphobia and socialphobia kicked in and then when it was time to go I couldn't walk out the door. My anxiety went thru the roof so I took two xanax and grabbed a knife and cut myself instead.Not deep just more like scrathes than penetrating the skin.
    I don't know why I couldn't go I have been there ten times already over the years. I guess I was worried that they might send me to the state hospital this time. I don't want anything to do with state, I have hurd too many stories about that place!!
    I feel That I can't give others here on the forum advice anymore because I couldn't take my own!!! I am really sorry to those who showed support to me when I said I was going. I will bow out and not give advice anymore. I HAVE BECOME A COWARD!!
  2. wheresmysheep

    wheresmysheep Staff Alumni

  3. pensive1981

    pensive1981 Well-Known Member

    Hang in there...
  4. alle_vite

    alle_vite Well-Known Member

    Hey Stranger1, stepping outside has to be really hard in your case and putting yourself down wont be helping. Try setting little mile stones for your self rather than big big steps, so if you have a garden make that a mile stone to get out there once or twice a week you know lots of little steps in life is better than non at all, and if your feeling suicidal then speak to your doc about a specialist coming to your home to visit you. If u ever need a chat just pm me.

    Stay safe

  5. alexander01

    alexander01 Active Member

    whats the worst that could of happened had you went? anyways its not a big deal, im sure youl suceed next time.
  6. snowraven

    snowraven Well-Known Member

    Hi Joseph, sorry you couldn't make it but that doesn't make you a coward. You are anything but. You have showed great strength in the past and just slipped that is all. As for stopping giving advice to others that would be a real shame because you show so much wisdom and compassion to people. Show some of that compassion to yourself my friend.
  7. middleofnowhere

    middleofnowhere Well-Known Member

    Hey, Joseph. Give yourself a little time and space. "Chickening out" isn't something to beat yourself up over. I've messed up lots of times, but I still feel like I'm contributing something when I respond to others. If only the perfect ones among us ever wrote, there wouldn't be much of a forum. You've contributed a lot of positive, helpful comments, and you're still needed.

    I know how it feels when you just can't do something because of a mental health problem. I know, too, how it feels to slip up and od or cut. I hope you'll realize that it doesn't disqualify you from being a valued contributor.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.