it's been almost two yrs sinse my best friend took her own life. she was the only friend i had. here is the thing though, her family has led me to believe that i was a contributor in her death. i was not a true friend at all. with her and i we always tried to help each other. she had even told me one time when i stayed at her house for something like three days helping her get some projects done around her house that she hardly considered dying at all when i was there with her. i thought i had helped. after all for her to hardly consider death for a good period of time just didn't happen. it was always on her mind. she was always attempting, and in the short time i knew her she had attempted about eight times. this was over the course of two years or so maybe a little longer. i won't repeat what her family told me specifically but suffice it to say they have left me feeling like i was definately a contributor to her death. also like i was no friend at all. i can't even begin to say what that has done to me. i feel so guilty it's not even funny. i feel the suffering from this all year round but coming up on the anniversary here soon is making this harder and harder, and i want to just die myself. that's all i can say about this. this was harder to share than i thought. thanx for listening.