I could be dead. Now. Or now.

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by GhastlyDemise, Apr 21, 2007.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. GhastlyDemise

    GhastlyDemise Well-Known Member

    Or now.

    It keeps banging 'round in my mind. I can't help it, can't stop it. Everything I see becomes a murderweapon. Everything I see becomes a reason to quit.
    The voice in my head is telling me to shut up and die. Nobody cares and I'm gonna die sooner or later anyway. He's telling me I'm a stupid fucking whore, that it's my own fault I feel like this. That I'm a coward.

    I'm just sitting here crying right now. I just can't take it anymore. And all because of the stupid note:
    'One Asperine with one sip of Coke is just like ten joints. You won't feel a thing if you'd cut your wrists.'

    I
    am
    not
    scared.

    I just don't want to fucking die! :thatsit:
     
  2. ~Nobody~

    ~Nobody~ Well-Known Member

    Hon'... :sad:.

    We are here for you. What I said on your other head still stands, just so you know :hug:.

    I really hope this passes and that you begin to feel better soon.

    I understand everything you're describing. Just know that you are not alone :arms:.

    Take care... :hug:

    ~Nobody~ x
     
  3. GhastlyDemise

    GhastlyDemise Well-Known Member

    I am alone. And that will never change. 'Cause that's in me. Just as this stupid voice, my stupid past, and my fucking stupid fear. And I can't get rid of it.
     
  4. ~Nobody~

    ~Nobody~ Well-Known Member

    I know how you feel.

    And surely, when you think about it, that means that neither of us are completely alone?
     
  5. GhastlyDemise

    GhastlyDemise Well-Known Member

    So you claim you know the bandage around my chest. You claim to know the Icy wind inside my heart. To know the desire, coming from your belly, up to your heart, inside your head, to kill yourself. To hear the voice screaming, making you desperate. Living with the feeling of fear, anger, and with the voice in your head for over two years now allready.
    No, I'm not alone. I have the voice. And maybe it is better than being alone.
     
  6. ~Nobody~

    ~Nobody~ Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry if I offended you.

    I just mean to say that I have had similar experiences and by the sounds of it similar feelings to yourself. I have also come very close to suicide on several occasions.

    I just wanted to comfort you. I'm sorry that it didn't work :sad:.

    I really hope you can get through this. Do you have any professional help with these issues?

    x
     
  7. GhastlyDemise

    GhastlyDemise Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry.. I didn't mean to chase you off.. I just freaked out..

    Yes, I have help. If you can call it like that. I really don't like my shrink, but she won't let me see someone else. She doesn't do any good...
     
  8. ~Nobody~

    ~Nobody~ Well-Known Member

    That's okay :hug:.

    How can she 'not let you' ? Why don't you like her?

    If you're not seeing eye to eye, for whatever reason, could you try asking your doctor for a referral to someone different?
     
  9. GhastlyDemise

    GhastlyDemise Well-Known Member

    She'll send me to a.. I dunno how to call it in English, a big house for all those people with mental problems.
    I can't reach my doctor, 'cause I need my parents to help me get a referral. And they won't. I'm stuck...
     
  10. ~Nobody~

    ~Nobody~ Well-Known Member

    Psychiatric Hospital.

    MAybe that wouldn't be such a bad idea? Just a thought...

    A stay in hospital can sometimes be just what someone needs. At least you'd have lots of help on hand all the time.

    What do you think?
     
  11. GhastlyDemise

    GhastlyDemise Well-Known Member

    I just want rest... I just want to stop... I don't want to fight anymore... For God's sake, I'm tired of fighting...
     
  12. ~Nobody~

    ~Nobody~ Well-Known Member

    Fighting what?

    :hug:
     
  13. Sharky

    Sharky Member

    Fighting urges? Stress? Life's problems? I'm assuming all of the above, but could you elaborate for us, fella?
     
  14. GhastlyDemise

    GhastlyDemise Well-Known Member

    I'm a girl.

    And tired of fighting myself. I don't even have the energy to go to school or whatsoever. Tired of fighting the stupid need to die. Tired of fighting this whole goddamned world, I gues..
     
  15. Sharky

    Sharky Member

    Feelings of futility, insignificance and no energy? I'm no expert, but that sounds like depression. Ever talked to a pro for a diagnosis? I recommend it.
     
  16. GhastlyDemise

    GhastlyDemise Well-Known Member

    I know I have some sort of depression. In dutch they call it a Dysthyme Stoornis. Stoornis = disorder. But I dunno how to translate Dysthyme.
     
  17. I think maybe Dysthyme means chronic depression disorder, something along them lines from what I've researched...

    I'd recommend talking to a professional like Sharky suggested to get a diagnosis, it's bad to self diagnoise because you could be wrong and have something else instead, which could be treated for either way.

    Please keep safe... :hug:
     
  18. GhastlyDemise

    GhastlyDemise Well-Known Member

    That was diagnosed by a pro.
     
  19. Sharky

    Sharky Member

    And what did he suggest? I hate it when people feel the end-all solution to any problem is a prescription, but I know what it feels like to have an internal struggle like the one you're having. Maybe a crutch is what you need until you feel better. Talk to a professional about your feelings and your depression and see what she says.

    Pills + Therapy can work wonders. Swallow your pride and do whatever you need to in order to feel better, unless your depression gives you a payback you can't get if you were to be cured of it. Seek out anyone who can help. If you're telling us the truth about not wanting to fight anymore, this is your solution. Make an appointment with the nearest shrink and get help. It's not going to go away without someone there to help you. And yes, I speak from experience.
     
  20. GhastlyDemise

    GhastlyDemise Well-Known Member

    I'm seeing a shrink.. Two, to be exact. I'm on Prozac, an anti-depressive. But I can't tell those people how I feel, not that I don't know how to, but he says I can't.. That they're all betrayers and that they wanna ditch him, kill him...
    He was my friend.. He's not doing anything wrong.. Just pointing out what I can and cannot do, and if I break a rule, I get punished.. But that's what he's supposed to do.

    I don't want him to leave. Well, I do.. But not completely. I want him to become what he was.. Just the voice in my head that's my friend.. Not my enemy..
     
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.