I could live for this...

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by charmane, Feb 24, 2010.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. charmane

    charmane Well-Known Member

    I am sitting in my kitchen right now and looking out into my backyard. There has been a lot of recent snow and the snow is continuing to fall but it's the light, fluffy flakes that blow and fall very slowly to the ground. The pine trees are covered in snow and the wetlands behind my house are blanketed as well. The whole thing looks like a Christmas picture postcard. While I'm watching - my dog- an Airedale Terrier- runs out into the backyard and he is so happy to be in the snow. He is running in circles and trying to catch the snow in his mouth. I think he's figured out it's really water and he loves to catch water in his mouth. I wonder if the ferral cat that lives back there is aware of his presence - he goes completely goofy when he sees that cat! The birds are flying low trying to tease him. I am enjoying a cup of hot chocolate and just some quiet time. I am not thinking about anything else right now just this scene.

    I lied. I am thinking that no matter how bad things might get sometimes, no matter how much pain there is associated with this life, no matter how deep some problems have gotten - I could just live for this. For this moment and no other. I don't owe anything else to this world but to be able to enjoy this one moment. I don't need to answer for anything right now.

    I know I will have other such moments if I just stop and look for them. There is much beauty and much love in the world - it's important I know where and when to look. There is always time to worry, fret, agonize, despair, cry, rage and get down on myself. I don't need to be there 24-7, right? There is also time to be at peace, to experience joy, to love. It doesn't have to be in the big sense - sometimes it's just little joys, little things that can make life worth living.

    I have read enough on this forum and dealt with enough in my life (with my son) to know that part of the problem here is that everyone gets lost in the pain and the darkness. Soon, the ability to just sit in the kitchen and look out the window and be at peace for a few moments is completely lost. If I tried to get my son to sit down with me and do this - he would tell me I was completely crazy- and he would not be able to have this moment of peace. He is too invested in his pain, his problems, he can no longer put them aside for any amount of time. His demons walk with him - always. It's like carrying a large backpack full of rocks around day and night.

    I wish everyone here some little joy today. Just one moment where you set aside the pain, the loss, the demons and look out the window. I know not everyone has as good a view as I have - but there's always something beautiful out there. A child, a dog, a squirrel, a bird, a flower, a tree, a neighbor (who always waves), a pretty bug, an interesting cloud formation, the wind in your face. You get the picture. Just put down the burden for even a few minutes and remember how easy that was when you were a child? Peace to everyone!

  2. lightbeam

    lightbeam Antiquities Friend

    Thank you for that dyanne.
  3. WildCherry

    WildCherry ADMIN

    Thank you so much for your post!
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.