I could really use some help right now

[ranman]

Girlfriends putting me through hell. I don't have any friends. and my families out of town. A little internet research has shown me how toxic my meds can be.in the past I've tried sticking a hypodermic needle in my arm to let the blood just drain. It didn't work but again a lil research on the internet and I figured out a solution to that problem as well.My moms in Vegas she called the other night but my meds knocked me out. I texted her and told I was sorry I missed her call and I love her and then goodbye.I've gone around saying goodbye to family and friends so many times thinking they will never see me alive again. I've distanced myself from everyone for so long in hopes that my death won't be so hard for them.I'm sorry and apologize to those who read this I do not want to hurt or traumatize anyone. I wish everyone here and everywhere peace love and happiness

 

[andyc68]

why is your gf putting you thru hell?

 

[ranman]

been with her a year and a half and she says shes not sure how she feels about me I love her very much but I asked her if she loves me enough she should let me go. She asked if thats what I really want and of course the answer is no. She tells me shes seeing a therapist. shes been doing this for a couple months. She keeps giving me a sliver of hope. Its not all about her though.

 

[andyc68]

so your both feeling depressed i take it or rather you both have issues, now is the time that you both need eachother, but thats up to you bud, you have both been together for 18 months.
ssounds as if she still has feelings for you but now maybe the time to back off just a bit and see what happens but this isnt a reason to suicide, you still have more to do in this life and your life is precious bud.

have you told anyone else about how you feel, maybe a parent ?

 

[ranman]

Like I said its not all about her. I'm 38 and she would be second woman I've ever loved. In life I truly feel as though I am a loser. seems as if meds make me a fun person to be with but the side effects are sexual dysfunction. So I stop taking them to be with a women and I turn into an asshole. I can't win and I'm tired of trying.