Hello everyone, this is my first ever post on this website, and for any suicide/depression forum. Before i begin with my current problems, i want to make it clear that i've suffered with depression for about 2 years now and suicidal thoughts aren't new to me but they're becoming a lot more serious. In September of last year I broke up with my long distance Girlfriend of about 3 and a half years. I was devestated but not as much as i should have been because in that same month, i had moved into a new house where i met a new girl and we fell in love instantly. She was and is perfect for me, i can't think about anything else. After about a month, i withdrew myself a bit as i started to become aware what this must be doing to my ex girlfriend who was still gathering hopes of getting back together, i love her so much but i just wasn't happy anymore and i was soo happy in new new house and with my depression i'm never that happy. Over easter, i wasn't in the house, i went to visit my ex girlfriend to tell her that i we could only be friends and that i really wanted us to be friends because i did love her, just not in the same way. Then, while i'm there i get a message from the girl i'm really hoping to get together with properly after the easter break; she's sleeping with my best friend and is together with him now. What a knife in the back. This was totally out of the blue. She would sleep in my bed everynight, we would do everything together, i even told her about my depression which i've only ever told 1 other person. I let her in, i told her everything, left myself totally exposed to her and she shattered my dreams. The worst part is that my best friend lives with me too, i can see both of their bedrooms from where i'm sat now. I have no idea how i can solve this problems. On the first day back, we talked about everything (calmly), before that i had been going insane. We hung out for about 5 hours that day, she cuddled with me and stroked my skin but at the same time told me she'd gotten over me? I feel so used in all of this. When i'm around her, it's complete bliss, i can forget everything and enjoy the moment, it's so relaxing. But then he came home and she locked herself in his room. I don't want to live her but i have nowhere to go. I want to talk to someone but have no one to talk to, all i had was her. Now, like i said, i've always had suicidal thoughts because of my depression but now they're are getting progressively worse. Before, it was like tourettes syndrome of my mind where the thought of suicide wouldn't go away, it would just pulsate in my mind and i was unable to get rid of it. Now the thoughts are becoming realistic, i genuinely consider it as a way of removing all my pain. I've been miserable for about 2 years but now i'm exhausted, it's the worst i've ever been, that's why i've come here. Self harming has gotten worse, i couldn't ever cut myself, i hate the slow pace of it, i like it to be instant so i punch myself a lot. I've got a lot of bruises and lumps on my legs and i breakdown in tears about 4-5 times a day (not from the punching). I can't focus on my work which is awful because i graduate soon and i'm not eating almost anything. I barely sleep too. I'm tired, exhausted, melancholic and overall i just want to give up, if she's not on my mind then suicide is. I'm telling you this story with hope of a response, someone i can talk to about my problems. I need someone to talk to about this, i have nowhere to turn, this is my only hope. If anyone is out there who has any advice, help, ideas, consolation or anyting please write. I'm aware that the current problem is pretty much self induced but the depression is not. Please help me.