I could well be dead.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by ace, Aug 31, 2009.

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  1. ace

    ace Well-Known Member

    Yes so true I could well be dead and deserve it so much,I'm a useless,hopeless,ugly,stupid waste of space and everything else.Nothing seem's to amaze me when I think of thing's that I am,because I'm all thing's which are related to pathetic.Hopefully I can find something or think of something so easy to make myself dissapear and fast.
     
  2. I don't want to say what everyone else does because I know how useless it is to hear from people of "don't say that." The only thing I can say that I don't think is the most repeated thing is try to find one thing that keeps you going. Hopefully that one thing can keep you going for at least another day!
     
  3. ace

    ace Well-Known Member

    Thankyou for your kind word's and thought's,but staying another day is just a waste really.I want to end it all with any luck I can do it,and rid myself of everything I've failed at life I'm a disgrace I deserve what I get:sad::sad:.
     
  4. Rose24

    Rose24 Chat & Forum Buddy

    :hug: you sound like you are in so much pain, so much anger towards yourself, please don't take it out on yourself dear-it isn't YOUR fault you feel the way you do, you don’t ask to be the way you are, it just is. Have you had any sort of professional help? Perhaps some counseling? Talking really help when dealing with all those negative emotions, I of all people should know! We’re all here to listen; I’m just a pm away.

    Take care and be safe

    Rose
     
  5. Bambi

    Bambi Well-Known Member

    I know the feeling but i hung on and now i feel so much better...I know it sounds stupid but it does get better and life is full of joy.
    find on thing to hang on to and if the next way think of another thing and if that doesn't work live for SF, live for helping others in pain as you have a perspective on life like nobody else here and for that you are special and worth it.
    Please let us know how you are doing ..i for one am worried about ya hun...
    Hugs Bambi
     
  6. ace

    ace Well-Known Member

    Had plenty of counselling and everything nothing help's,because I'm stupid and a failure basically what's more to say.Thank's for the message's but I just want to be gone,hopefully the sooner the better can't take this no more
     
  7. yursomedicated

    yursomedicated Chat & Forum Buddy



    Ace, I'm sure none of that is true. It almost sounds like you are describing me. None of the members on here want you gone. We all want you happy and healthy. Do you have some sort of support system? Or a professional to help you? If not, maybe it would help. Maybe you will see what others see in you.
     
  8. ace

    ace Well-Known Member

    Thankyou Veronica for your kind words but I've just found out pretty much I've lost my job,and after talking to H.R I feel like shit anyway.So I'm going to do myself away with everything,I will do this I have too far too much pain I can't take it anymore.
     
  9. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hello ace,

    I'm glad you posted.
    You are certainly not useless,hopeless,ugly,stupid or anything of the sort.
    I'm sorry to hear you've lost your job. Can you get any financial support from your family, the state? It's worth checking out :hug:
     
  10. ace

    ace Well-Known Member

    Yes I can but the place of work and my job meant so much to me,I'm sick to death of any such new's making me feel like garbage.All I'm doing is crying non stop and feeling like packing it in,I feel you become unwell and you just get spit out.I don't blame them anyway I'm not worth it,with a record of mine of missing work who wan't someone like me?.About all those thing's is true,I know it I'm useless good at and for nothing.It's not just my job it's everything else I'm a disaster being alive and awake,I'm only at peace when i'm asleep.I'm over it all I'll see my Dr tomorrow if I make it,otherwise good ridden's I couldn't be more happier than to go.Hopefully this is my last night will do what i can to go,so everyone can also finally say "he's done it we don't have to hear his whingeing"I'm going to do it shit anymore".
     
  11. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Well, I'm glad you will have financial support,thats some weight off your shoulders at least.

    What are you planning to do everyday while out of work? You should make plans, so that you wont feel depressed when that happens, volunteer somewhere maybe? Perhaps for the befrienders. Find a hobby,make some new friends, camping...you need something to keep your mind occupied. For me its sf :D sf makes me feels less alone and less anxious.
    Also, tell your doctor how you're feeling and that you lost your job.

    Good luck ace :hug:
     
  12. ace

    ace Well-Known Member

    I'm trying to do thing's but the problem is I've lost all motivation and will to fight anymore:sad:,I'm consigned and planning to end it all won't say when but hopefully asap can't take the pain anymore just can't sick of this life and living full stop.I dread waking up,it never end's you're ok for a little bit then bang again so rotten as hell.I'm going to do what it take's to get out of this life I don't care,sorry everybody the thought of no feeling at all give's me great peace.I'm not going to hang around to keep experience this useless shit,I just can't hack it I've resisted it for year's now the time has come to do what i have too finally I will have my peace finally:sad:.Goodbye all this is very likely my last message on here,don't be sad everyone I'm going to rest now ok it's for the best bye all hope you all find peace and get the deserved life you so all should be having right now.
     
  13. ashes_away

    ashes_away Well-Known Member

    hi ace

    you haven't lost ALL your will to fight because you are here posting..and that takes courage.It is hard to see the light att he end of the tunnel but it is there,I promise..and we will help you get there...just have to take it a minute,hour and day at a time.
    :hug:
     
  14. inkspring

    inkspring Well-Known Member

    Hello Ace,

    I am trusting that you are still here among us. I'm so sorry for the agony you are still going thru. It's a shock to the system when you are ok for awhile & then you crash--I've just been there.

    Have you talked to your Pdoc lately? Are you taking your meds exactly as he prescribed? You might as him if there is anything he can give you for when you get that anxious feeling before your mood drops. See what he says--It helps me sometimes and then I don't drop too far. It doesn't work for everyone BUT your Pdoc will consider whether or not it might help you.

    Please be careful and do come here to vent often. That's what we're all here for, to hold each other up.

    Wanting only the best for you,
    Inkspring.
     
  15. ace

    ace Well-Known Member

    Thankyou dearly ink&Ashes,I'm still here but I feel like a ghost I could very much dissapear right now.I've just started on Lamictal but I don't know If I'm going to hold on,I feel so empty I really do so much:sad:.I went to my GP the other day and asked him a question that I have a real pain also in my lower region,he went on like it was nothing.I'm thinking hopefully it's cancerous so I can die like that.I don't care at all I hope I don't wake up or I'll just have to make myself not wake up,well that's what you get when you're a stupid,hopeless,useless,retarded ugly imbecile.The world will be rid of a real piece of shit what a relief for everyone:sad:.
     
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