LOL pretty awesome guys! i must say xD
i didnt want to be more specific in the post bc i feel really silly and embarrassed talking about it but i might as well.
its more a feeling of emptiness all the way to my core. i feel like i have a hole in me. its not adrenalin that i crave. its an incredibly, rediculous, absurd amount of unconditional love. a void that i feel cant be filled. i need more and more, i want to feel.
im feeling bored with everything, im feeling numb, its as if no one can give me enough, i dont know where to look for it or if it even makes sense to do so since its probably impossible. but i crave it as if my life depended on it. its an eternal craving for something that doesnt excist in the amount i need it. i have narcissistic tendencies and i need to have the picture that i want to have of myself, reflected back at me through this stupid amount of love. thats the thrill i need but i cant get it, its not real.
all my life ive been dying to get it but i just never will have that need satisfied. it makes me feel like im starving to death. sometimes i think of myself as an eternally hungry monster and im out of food, chained down, not being able to move