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Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by An Angel in Black, Feb 28, 2008.

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  1. An Angel in Black

    An Angel in Black Well-Known Member

    i have spent the last 2 weeks or so getting away frommy dad, leaving the house before he got a chance to see me ive been so terrified of him..2night when i had already left to see my friend whom i view as kind of like a safe house my father calls me up and tells me theyve decided on pizza and they want me to go get it..i was already in the middle of my plans of having dinner with my friend as we were out shopping when i got the message..i was panicing and taking very small breaths while holding my breath trying to breathe...when we got to the place to buy our things i went to the restroom and cut the hell out of my arm, i didnt want to bug my friend to go way out 30 min away and delay his plans for another hour, but there was no way i could tell my dad no...i started freaking out in the stall, making sure it was locked, i was crying, as i was pulling out my keys, cause i didnt want to be hurt, but i felt i deserved it, i had to..well, i scard my arm REALLY bad, its got abot 7 deep scars on i, as punishment for being such a asshole asking my friend if we could go and do that so my dad wouldnt kill me..i dont think he would kil me litteraly, but i start to get terrified if im even around him, its like hes become a trigger, all i could think about tonight was killing myself, thats it, jumping out doors going high speeds, driving home drunk, anything..i get panic attacks frequently when im with him and i cry a lot and get scared a lot..i was sooooooooooooooooo suicidal tonight..i felt horrible, still do, but over at my friends house now so i cant do a lot..sorry to all my friends i was supposed to talk to tonight, but i cant until my friend goes permanantly..sorry..:unsure:
  2. Viskar

    Viskar Member

    Have you tried re-thinking your thoughts before you perform actions? You even said in your own post that you, basically, over-acted. I'm not sure how deep you actually cut your arm, but scarring is quite easy. It isn't something to over-react on. You might want to speak to someone about this, and see if they can get you to a therapist to assist you with these compulses you have to panic.

    You said you were shopping with your friend, and started panicing, so you went into the bathroom and 'cut the hell out of your arm'. Can you honestly tell me what claiming, or maybe even doing this, would accomplish? Maybe I don't understand the post exactly, but it sounds like you just need to breath more. Don't over act, and see things as if they're black and white. Sometimes seeing things as black and white is a bad thing, but maybe it'll help you. Color sometimes blurs, and causes confusion.
  3. An Angel in Black

    An Angel in Black Well-Known Member

    sorry im not a very good writer..lol i just felt i had been very bad lately and needed to be punished..like it was a way of saying im sorry, i just felt absolutly dreadingly horrible.. soooooo bad, i had to do something, i was panicing and crying and cutting, i felt horrible..
  4. nagisa

    nagisa Staff Alumni

    *************************Holds You****************************

    Everything will be alright, sweetie. Don't worry about it anymore. Since your at your friend's house you'll be 'safe' for tonight. I love you. :hug:

  5. An Angel in Black

    An Angel in Black Well-Known Member

    i love you sweetie..************************************************************************************************hugs***************************************************************************
  6. Dave_N

    Dave_N Guest

    Please Angel, try to be more careful and think about what you're doing, before something like this happens again. I'm here for you anytime you need to talk. Please don't hurt yourself again. It sounds like your father has definitely become a 'trigger' since just thinking about him can cause you to panic and harm yourself. Have you ever tried talking to him about the way he makes you feel?
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