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i dare you i challenge you-u up for it? :)

Discussion in 'Positive Feelings and Motivational Messages' started by betteroffunknown, Mar 28, 2010.

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  1. betteroffunknown

    betteroffunknown Well-Known Member

    ok, this i am prepared is going to take me quite a while to share, but i hope you will bare with me and really sincerely give an open ear to what i have to share here and learn by my example anything you can take from it. i believe with all of my heart and soul that what has come together for me (finally) this evening will change your life only for the better forever. it will most likely feel like i'm going somewhat deep here. i'm challenging you i'm daring you to challenge your old way of thinking ( for some maybe the only way you have ever thought about things). i know beyond all doubt that things i will share about here can and will guide you to being a truely happy individual in everything you do, places you go or just whatever you do, and it will last. it's designed this way.

    when i was a little girl i went through quite a few degrading, humiliating, and things that tore away from me or ripped me off of any self worth i may of had at this time. throughout my life the traumas and challenges kept coming. a few maybe, but by the time i was a teen i couldn't take it anymore. i was sincerely trying to figure out how to handle all of these things. they robbed me of everything and anything good i was meant to experience. i had to figure a way even only for my benefit but i needed to figure out how to make all of this bareable or doable ok manageable. i didn't have my parents or anyone for this matter to lean on or look to for answers. i have always been a pretty deep person. i will look at things to a deeper perspective than most would dare go. something that was quickened to me as i sat in my room one day thinking was this...i came to believe the only way i at least at that point and time in my life was going to make all of these things maybe ok if you will or bearable for others was this....i was going to have to find the good in each and every trauma that i had been through...i considered this may not be able to happen everytime just being realistic..so it came to me if i could not find the good in it i would have to make good come from it. the idea of doing this and practicing this gave me a new challenge a new way to look at all of these. i have always been of the most gentle heart. i want good things. even though i was only shown that i couldn't possibly deserve this i had to believe that i did. i had to find a way to be happy. i needed to figure out what this was going to take so my most deepest search began. i was always observant of those people around me and how they acted towards me and those around me. i did have some good examples as i classified them and i definately had some not so hot. i always tried to take those things that i did not like or agree with about life and how it had been and challenged them as well, find a good lesson i could take away from it all.

    now i loved my parents with all my heart and soul but i didn't nor couldn't appreciate their choice in methods of parenting. i have always wanted to believe people and life are a matter of the heart. if the heart is messed up then it only made sense that the other parts of ones life wouldn't or usually couldn't be very well managed. i know it's crazy i really did think about all of this by myself. i was also adopted so to know the reassurance, support, understanding, and confidence building i believed i needed as a kid i never had. my parents were always far too busy making money this is where their priorities lied. i didn't agree with it at all. i had determined that if or when i were to have children of my own they were going to come first. i wanted them to have all the things that i desired as a kid to have. i had to believe if i could provide these things for my own children they could make themselves or become whatever their little hearts desired. i wanted them to have the confidence to accomplish it. i have never been well to do, but then again i saw first hand how working so hard only to earn the almighty dollar costs to a family. it wasn't worth the price tag to me. i always figured i would make it somehow someway as long as my kids needs were met and i could be there for them to encourage, support, love on them and all the other stuff we look for as a kid i have done my job. btw ironically when the market crashed with the 911 incident my parents lost every penny they spent all those years away from us kids making. they lost it all. it turned in to a total loss situation literally everyone lost by this.

    one of the things that i became determined to figure out and try to set out and look for was just what it took for someone to be happy. not just for moments but all the time in everything they do. i believe that i was very much entitled to this especially given all i had been through. i just had to believe if i could find the answer to this my life would be whole or complete no matter anything else. my search began. i have always been into watching people, watching most everything i could possibly eye around me, and just take or make meaning for even the littlest of things that happened in my life. i totally believed positive thinking was going to be essential to seeing this or maybe even figuring it out. honestly i had hoped i would find it much earlier in my life after all depression has totally had control of my life for as long as i could remember. but i must say i had let the idea of it really happening go just over this last year.

    when i moved to where i am now i wanted to find me a church. this was a part of my growing up and is a part of my makeup if you will. it is my foundation. not that i have always walked the walk or anything but, but even growing up in churches and christian schools i must say although everyone was nice and all i didn't ever really feel accepted for being just the way i was nor for who i was, but i did believe this is how the church was meant to be and i had always hoped that someday i might come across one just like i believed they should be. that is totally accepting of me just the way i was, loved unconditional, and any support and encouragement i might of needed. i had really begun to think that maybe my expectations were set too high. well, last year i was encouraged to visit one of my customers church. i was actually kind of excited about trying it. theoretically it sounded good, but was it really all it was cracked up to be was the question. about a month or so after i was told about it i finally worked up the gutts to go and check it out. now my experience when checking a church out has been to go in, sit down, listen, and when it's over slide my way out of there maybe having one person notice i was there thus saying hi. but being able to come and go unscathed. when i visited this one i never expected what happened there. they were so welcoming, more people noticed me than i was honestly comfortable with, they all introduced themselves to me told me their names asked for mine and told me they were so glad i came..they actually meant this...i know people well enough to know sincerity and it was there...i met roughly a good 11 people or so on my very first visit. this church was everything i had come to believe when i was younger that a church should be. they really did exist. i felt so good and felt so worth something when i left my first visit i kid you not i ran around higher than a kite with the most amazing feeling that i was worth being noticed and not only notice but talked too also. this is when things began to change for me as far as finding at least what love felt like if not how to obtain it forever. time passed and as most know i was in the hospital in jan and feb of this year. my depression actually at the worst it had been in a while. these two times were so intense i began to think of some of my other visits there as not neccesary or a walk in the park comparitively. when i left the hospital in feb. they let me go a day and a half early or before they were suppose to telling me there was nothing more they could do to help me. i hadn't felt this hopeless this worthless, this lifeless in a long time i would say.

    i began to go to church more after this and i actually had come to believe well there was nothing more dr's can do for me there is only one hope left for me in my eyes at least. this was my last chance. i had to turn to God. the people at the church offered to get quite a few of them together to pray for me and honestly i have been totally and completely better ever since this very time of prayer. no joke. i began to experience all kinds of good things, and this wasn't just a one time occurance as i had anticipated it would be cause thats how it had always been in my past. one thing right after the other began to happen. positive and encouraging things began to happen. i had begun to develope a very real and constant happiness. i am not telling you all this to try and convert you not at all this is simply what happened in my life and began to bring me some self worth, i felt encouraged and heard, i felt loved and supported. these were the very things as a child i longed for, and guess what my feelings that those things could improve my life i was totally right on about. this was too encouraging.

    time had passed and even bigger things have begun to happen at the mental health center where i am a client of. they mostly my therapist had noticed so much of a change in me and knows how much i love to try and help people she suggested me to the group leader of those with the severe illnesses such as schizophrenia and those types of illnesses. i was first encouraged to just check it out the following week i was asked if i would like to become a mentor for this group. of course i had to say i would be honored. something my first thing outside of my children that has given me a purpose and one i liked a lot. just a few weeks ago my therapist then shared with me that there was a training coming up to become a peer support specialist. she also mentioned they were planning on creating some more of these positions there at the mental health center. she asked me if i would be willing or would like to do this. i had to jump on it. remember when i shared that if i couldn't find good in something i would make good. i always felt that one way that maybe i could do this was by helping others through their rough patches. be there for them to support and encourage them something all of us require to one degree or another. when my therapist told me about this it was like i found how i could make some good. i of course told her i would do the training for sure. i felt again i had even a greater purpose now. i'm serious i had never known this outside my kids. while i always loved my kids and this was all very important to me i had just always desired to be something more. i didn't really have any idea how i wanted to pursue the helping people desire i have always had but it now seemed as though a door has been opened just for me. my self confidence, the fact that i believe everything that a happy person deserves and maybe even more so than the average person givin i had been through more than they had.

    this is the events that have led up to this evening. in case you haven't noticed i have really been trying to help you all see for yourselves that you deserve all the very best that life has to offer. this is why i also believe that if things can turn around and change for me as

    -- Continued in first reply/post.
  2. betteroffunknown

    betteroffunknown Well-Known Member

    dramatically as they have it can happen for anyone. seriously there is no way you could of told me in feb that change was right around the corner i would of slammed the possibility of this happening in a heartbeat. i can't tell you how much i would love for all of you to really know this for yourselves. it will honestly change things forever or so i have to believe.

    i know you are all so acustomed to believing that good things will never happen for you they can't nor do you deserve it. i have got to tell you these are all lies. each and every one of them. i too was conditioned totally programed to think and believe there was nothing good that could possibly come from my life let alone anything good happen to me. i seriously would rip you a new one arguing this very point. i feel so incredibly passionately a desire for you all to feel, know, experience and come to believe that all this good is meant for you too.

    while i was cleaning tonight some things just began to make sense they just came out of no where in others words i'm not sure what was going through this little mind of mine that brought these things i have heard in the past to me now. these things i had heard up to many years ago and just stored away till something could happen that might make it all register and maybe all of a sudden make sense. tonight as i was cleaning the bells went off. the most predominant thought that had come was that all of you and of course myself are the very definition of a true survivor. this very word survivor after all these years found meaning in me. something about just little things i have been told here and there but never in a million years was even willing to consider let alone believe about myself, but i stored it none the less.

    i began to really give this some very intense thought. and i remember just something little that i had heard somewhere or recognized somewhere in this journey called life, but i realized and accepted that the facts are this about us survivors. we have taken and endured things that most people, speaking of people with average lives, most of them i know wouldn't be able to take what we have survived. i know this is true. most average people and their definition of bad don't even come close to one another. we know what it is. i have seen this before but it became very alive to me tonight and that is we are kind of like a football team. not everyone can take being a football player. not everyone are made to be one. everyone knows this is truth. the same is true of us survivors.

    the same goes for us and all we have come through. we are true SURVIVORS. i began to think of the effects that going through such things as we have i believe has made at least most of us the compassionate, caring, understanding and supportive people that we have become. we recognize that people have these needs and we truly try to meet these needs for others here. the average person well most of them don't even think of things to this respect. they just don't care or have even bothered to consider this as a need. i shouldn't say every average person is like this but most are there are always exceptions to the rule. that's just life. i also came to sincerely realize the world needs us. the world needs people like us. i began to imagine if we weren't around and honestly i could only imagine a much less sensitive world that people would be living with. we create and are a specific part of what balances things at least a bit in our world.

    the one thing that came to my presence of mind and i must admit had the greatest impact on me this evening was my thoughts that i have had for actually many many years but due to the depression i have had had been shoved aside, made light of, or just plain forgotten. that is i want control of my life. these people that committed these crimes against me or us don't deserve this power over my life. i refuse to let them have it. i wanted my self worth back it's mine. it belongs to me not to them. not anymore they are not allowed to have it. i plain and simply won't let them. when these people committ these atrosities against us is a well known fact that they have taken at minimum of some of our power away from us given we had no choice in our matters. i know speaking only for myself but this really pisses me off. it was not theirs to take in the first place it was mine and i want it back. i believe that as long as we continue to believe the messages they gave to us by committing this stuff against us they still have the power. i don't know if people really realize this. all of the messages that we took from these incidents are ALL lies nothing but. we didn't deserve what happened anymore than anyone else would deserve it but it just happened to of happened to us. i wish so desperately that i could go into each and everyone of your brains and pull out this chip that keeps feeding you all of these lies and put in the new one of all of the things that we deserve just as much if not more so than others. i played sports all throughout growing up it was soccer for eight years and basketball for three years. personally i really enjoy winning. i am very very competitive and a was always a starter a very competitive athlete. i could always take a loss with grace. i am good about that, but crap i love to win the rush and confidence and elation one gets from winning is awesome. personally i think it's even better than any drug. i think part of this is because i worked for it. i was a part of making it happen. i'm kind of hopin you guys can gather what my point is in sharing about all that. i would love for everyone to begin to realize that you too are most definately winners, and i can only plead with you and encourage you to try to start to work on taking your power back. you will feel so exilerated. it's totally a most awesome feeling. just in case you didn't already know or maybe remember the feeling associated with all of this.

    whether you all want to believe it or not you should definately be very proud of yourselves for making it through impossible situations that realistically not everyone is designed or built to take. i am in no way trying to make light of any of your experience or minimize anything about it. i just want more than anything for you to realize and see that you truely are a SURVIVOR. you are very much a needed part of society. and to encourage you that we cannot let these scumbags win. if we allow all of our challenges to get the best of us and we lose our lives as a result everyone loses and ONLY the bad guy wins. personally i don't want to give them the satifaction. they are truely not worth it. not only this but take it one step further. i will again use myself as an example. i have told you i think that i love my kids with all my heart and soul. i wanted to provide for them emotionally the way i had always wished i was. it was what i felt i needed as a child. i want my children to grow up happy, healthy and well adjusted and to top all that off very confident (but not cocky) of themselves. i have always wanted them to feel they could go anywhere their little hearts desired. even though i may not have much in belongings i believe that my kids have a very good sense or grasp on all the things i wanted them to have and they seem really very happy. i thought about something for a second. what if i had ended up taking my life back in jan or feb. not only would i have lost and let the bad guys win, but my kids would of lost as well, thus a negative cycle would of begun of bad things to come. i chose to step out reach out and take a few chances and good things have definately begun to happen. i can continue to be the parent i want to for my children, and just as big to me the bad guy LOSES. i couldn't be more proud. and i have begun something positive. i am leaving a positive legacy for those that follow. this is much more how i would prefer it to be. i don't like the idea of leaving so much bad behind me and the bad guy winning all of this. i am not so sure i am explaining this all as i had originally wanted to, but i really do hope that you are seeing the point that i am trying to get across. there is a fighter in each and every one of you this is a fact. i have two facts that backs this up. you survived the horror of the original events. this takes a fight. we have to find in ourselves whatever it is going to take to survive the entire thing never knowing what will happen. the second reason i say this is because you are still here in fact you're reading this obviously even as we speak. you are still amongst us. you have not let the crap win. i hope and most fervently pray that you will never do this either. there is a fighter in you. we may have to go looking around the house so to speak to find this fighter that is within, but i want to desperately encourage you to find them and walk with em and begin to realize just how awesome you truely are and committ if to no one else other than yourself that you are going to try to leave a positive legacy for your kids and those in your lives. you going to do your best to demonstrate what it takes to rise above our circumstance and i can't honestly share this strongly enough for my liking but we just cannot let the bad guy win. we just can't do it. i know for myself this is not an option. i am going to come out on top and victorious. i am entitled to be happy and enjoy it always on a regular basis. i will make good things happen. i would like to encourage you to find the good in your situations that trouble you and if you can't find it make good come of it. the world sees enough crap and cruelity, i feel i need and want to be one of the few who will shed some good or some light on people. i also have another goal to find a place to volunteer to help victims such as myself. to encourage them they can get through all of this, and give them the encouragement and support that we all hungered for in our own lives. i'm not quite sure i understand why doing for others the things that we need promotes healing in us i just know it works.

    i want to challenge each and everyone of you to even just begin to consider hey if this could happen for liz it can and will happen for me. good things can happen even for those of us with depression. telling yourself this kind of stuff in the beginning will totally not feel natural heck it will probably even just feel wrong. but i want to encourage you to keep doing this self talk, it eventually becomes real to you i promise. you all deserve to be happy, and deserve to enjoy those things that you have a dream to accomplish. it can be an old dream or a newer one your call. i believe with all my heart and soul that you all have a purpose here, and you are worth any price that could be placed, your opinions and compassion for others is needed all the way in this world. please don't give up. try to at least begin to self talk of course continue to see your therapist and doc and learn every positive thing anywhere you can find it no matter how tiny it may seem. it probably isn't as tiny as you would like to think in the long run.

    you all are entitled to everything good that this world has to offer. i would like to encourage you to make dreams for yourself. the biggest things i can't even find a word strong enough to express just how much i desire for each of you the passion i have for each of you to begin the self talk and keep yourself open to good things happening oh and also take your stand against those who continue to try and walk all over you. i want so badly for each of you to begin to gain your self respect back. you are all winners when your attitude changes and you become more positive about things good things are guaranteed to start happening. i hope you could just try to trust me on this one. the seed is planted

    i hope the very best for all of you. i really believe it's there for you and meant for you. it's your right to all of the good. please take care of yourselves and again one more time just try to begin to challenge your thinking you don't have to believe it that will come later but at least try to start to walk in it. i look forward to hearing if anyone will actually try this stuff and how it works out for ya. i know without a doubt these are the keys to our happiness. guaranteed!!!!
  3. cownes

    cownes Well-Known Member

    wow Liz, you really do have a way with words, you can wrtie to so well, and express yourself so well, you truely have written some inspirational thoughts there, it is something that has got me thinking, maybe one day soon i will accept your challenege, we can all hope. thank you for sharing all your expericens with us all, im glad to see you back, that has really got me thinking! thanks for that! it means alot! :hug:
  4. betteroffunknown

    betteroffunknown Well-Known Member

    thank you maddy for even taking the time to read all of this. i know it's a lot to consider, but even taken in small bites it is doable. i know you have everything it takes to be that happy person that we were all meant to be. take care and again thanks for taking the time
  5. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Read it too and I think you have a compassionate soul...J
  6. texaskitty

    texaskitty SF Cat Lady Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Liz, I'm so happy that you have found a way to make good come from bad. Its truly an inspiration.

    Thanks for taking the time and interest to share with us.

  7. Winslow

    Winslow Antiquitie's Friend SF Supporter

    The best compliment I can give to Rhino is to say that she reminds me of Wayne Dyer. For those who don't know, Wayne Dyer is currently one of the most influential of the inspirational lecturers. You could say he's the 21st century version of Norman Vincent Peale.

    Whereas Peale was a Christian, Wayne Dyer instead uses Oriental philosophy. In the lecture that I saw, Mr. Dyer brought up the spiritual teachings of the oriental Lao-tse, and then began explaining it in a Western context, how to apply it in a Western way.

    Along those lines, I notice that included in Sadeyes' signature are a number of choice proverbs from Buddha, Lao-tse, and the Dalai Lama. Those are what I practice too.

    The only place where I differ from Rhino is her aggressiveness. I'm different from her in that I solve my problems by NOT using aggressiveness. I suppose I could call it passive stoicism. It's a characteristic I learned from the Dalai Lama.

    What a relief to find that here at the SF forum I can extol the benefits of Buddhism without being attacked by Christians.
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 29, 2010
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