I didn't know which tread to post this in. I really don't want to be living anymore. to give some quick and basic info about myself and my situation: I suffer from bipolar disorder, major depression, anxiety, OCPD, and suicidal ideation/chronic suicidal thoughts. I have all my life and my first attempts at ending my life start at 7 years old. I've made various attempts until my adulthood when I stopped trying for a few reasons. I would still trade all my best days if it meant never being born. I've lived a very independent life. I'm very attractive. overly nice. always helping others to the point of not taking care of myself. never drank or did drugs because I know it would make things worst. I find myself, now, in a very low point on my life and I never ever thought this would happen to me, but it has. here it goes. While in the hospital for feeling like I may make a serious attempt in ending my life, I was replaced by my employer and have since been unable to find a job. I've now been homeless for 2 months. had to give up my cat and my car.I receive disability, but they withhold some money because I owe them for overpayment. the rest goes straight to my bills, leaving me with next to nothing. I do go to an outpatient program 5 days week and it helps, but it doesn't keep me warm at night. but what is really making things worse is that I have no friends to keep me company or make me laugh during the day. I'm so lonely and I think it's what is going to put me over the edge. There are homeless shelters but they rarely ever have room and you need to be there by a specific time. I also feel like if I did get a bed, it could have been given to someone else that probably needs it more than me. So I guess what I'm trying to say is that it isn't just mental or emotional problems that are going to kill me, it's my fucked up life and my loneliness that Will kill me. I REALLY don't want to be living. I'm not sure what's keeping me from shop lifting some <edit mod total eclipse method> I guess it's the thought of failing at suicide like I've failed at everything else. if I could get my hands on a gun or a certain >edit method> then I'd do it in a heart beat. I just don't know what to do and I'm so sick of crying everyday in public places. I'm sick of applying for jobs that I just doubt I'll get since I haven't already. I'm sick of not being able to shower, shave. clean my clothes, and feed myself when I'm hungry. I'm just sick of it all and I'm sick of being so alone. I really really want to die. I hope I get hit by a bus or become victim to a fatal mugging. I close my eyes and pretend I'm dying and it's the closest thing to happiness that I become lately. I don't want to live anymore. and now after I wrote all that, I don't even know what I am to expect in return. no one can help me. I'm unhelpable. It's like life just wants me to die. it's just pushing me and pushing me. I really can't take another week of this. I've gone to the hospital since becoming homeless and it did nothing. I just got out and continued being homeless and alone. and I fucking miss my damn cat so much. losing her is the worse part of all this. I'm too far gone and I must end my life.