About 23/24 years ago I had a boyfriend named Peter. After 6/7 months I broke us up. Peter said he loved me and cried (over the phone). I was taken aback. Love me? But I'm nobody, a nothing, a societal reject, surely he must be joking. I got to thinking about him and started feeling bad about it. I figured that anything that befell me I deserved it. When I became a drug addict and alcoholic I deserved it. When I became homeless, despondent and suicidal I deserved it. When I ended up sleeping in cars and parks and moving from city to city I deserved it. When I couldn't establish a relationship with anyone I deserved it. Today I am a perpetually depressed and suicidal individual. All these meds I take, along with therapy, doesn't help. I made a serious suicide attempt 22 years ago and I fear I'm headed that way again. I've been looking up methods on the internet. Another thing - I'm losing my apartment so I'll be homeless in about two weeks. Things just don't seem to be looking up for me. I think I deserve it.