I deserve to die.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Downpour, Sep 22, 2013.

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  1. Downpour

    Downpour Well-Known Member

    I really do. I deserve to die. I'm such an idiot. I'm crazy. Seriously crazy. I ruin everything. I'm stupid, I'm ugly, I'm lazy, I'm a bad wife, and I'm a bad mother. My family doesn't deserve this. They would be better off if I were dead. I'm so stupid.
     
  2. Downpour

    Downpour Well-Known Member

    I'm alone right now and I just need to get these thoughts and feelings out. I hate myself. I can't believe how stupid I am. I can't believe how stupid I've been. I don't know what to do. I want to kill myself. I want to hurt myself. I deserve to die, but I'm in so much pain right now that it might actually be more punishment for me if I continue to live. Killing myself is an easy way out of this pain. But I deserve this pain. I've earned this pain. And I need to live with this pain that I've created for myself. It's all my fault.
     
  3. SummersOver

    SummersOver Member

    You do not deserve to die. First word of advice, don't be so hard on yourself. Second, no one is perfect but trying to meet others expectations does not help -be happy for yourself not for your husband or others. Whatever you feel you ruined will be nothing compared to what your children will feel once they lose you. You know what your family doesnt deserve? They dont deserve to bury you, they don't deserve to mourn you, and question for the rest of their lives why you killed yourself. Because they will wonder. And having depression or having mental illness or whatever problems you have does NOT make you a bad mother, it mean you are human and your children will understand one day (if they are not old enough to now). You can not give up hope, life is too short as it is and what ever it is you feel you are an 'idiot' and 'stupid' for- you need to let that go. Forget it and start new. Do something fun or challenge yourself in ways you normally wouldn't. You can do this, life is not meant to be easy but you must stop talking down to yourself and start thinking positive like, 'I can do this, I am a strong woman'. Trust me, no one is 'better off' after they lose a loved one. And know that you can always come here and talk to people about your problems, there are also suicide hotline numbers on this site which I found helpful. -hugs- Please do not give up, you are STRONG and you can kick depression in the butt!
     
  4. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    No one deserves to be depressed to be in emotional pain hun NO ONE ok we all make mistakes we are human YOur depression is telling you all these lies hun please reach out to your doctor and get some support some help you need and deserve
     
  5. Blacky

    Blacky Well-Known Member

    No one deserves to die, no one. Hang in there. We are not perfect, no one is, we all made mistakes, still do and there is nothing wrong about it.
    And it's not ur fault, okay? We are our own worst critics, one author ( I forgot his/her name ) one said and see, u cannot be bad or evil or whatever u think u are!
    And I'm always right so u have to believe me.
    Just pls, hang in there.
     
  6. isolated

    isolated Member

    When I read your words, they really hit home. I'm feeling like a fool
    right now, I'm hating myself, and I'm full of fear and anxiety. I want
    the pain and self-hatred to go away. I want to feel good again, but
    I'm not sure I ever will, or if I'm on a downward spiral to oblivion.
    I'm being controlled by depression and painful emotions instead of
    thinking rationally and being optimistic. It doesn't feel good.
     
  7. Blacky

    Blacky Well-Known Member

    Hey, It will get better, okay? It has to get better!
    U are not alone, we're to help u!
    I know...right know it feels like everything is broken...and nothing can repait it...
    but it will get better.
     
  8. isolated

    isolated Member

    Thanks, I appreciate it. I hope it gets better rather than getting worse.
     
  9. Blacky

    Blacky Well-Known Member

    My friend says it will get better and I believe her with all my heart <3
    Just believe me :)
     
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