I deserve to die

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Walter Kovacs, Mar 24, 2016.

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  1. Walter Kovacs

    Walter Kovacs Member

    I feel like shit everyday. Nobody loves me, I feel like a monster. When I die, nobody will mourn my death. They will all go by and live their lives as if I didn't exist.
     
  2. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hi walter welcome to the forum. I am sorry you are feeling so down. What proof do you have that no one loves you and no one cares about you? Thoughts aren't facts. Depression tells us nasty lies. I hope you can get through this difficult time, have you seen any type of professional about this?
     
  3. Walter Kovacs

    Walter Kovacs Member

    It is the absolute truth. Nobody is alive. No family. Not one person cares about me. Once, they see that I am socially incapable, they immediately judge me and try to exclude me as much as possible, while trying to be polite. There is no understanding or empathy.
    I live extremely isolated, and have been doing so for 20 years. Enough to drive a person mad. My thoughts are a result of my experiences. When I see that there is no change in my environment, no matter what I do(I have moved many times), everyone treats me the same. I can't take it anymore. I, not 100%, 1 MILLION % assure that not one person will attend my funeral. Everyone will be happy and move on with their lives.

    Doctors and suicide hotlines are bullshit. They don't help. I want a resolution and I have waited long enough. My existence is meaningless, there is no need to live.
    I can't show you proof, but I can state my experiences. My depression is all I have, everything eroded.
     
  4. brknsilence

    brknsilence Well-Known Member

    Know we do care about you. Please don't give up. Stay strong and keep talking to us. Welcome to the forums.
     
  5. Red Nightmare

    Red Nightmare Active Member

    Since we all die, I guess we all deserve it. As miserable as life gets, I still think we shouldn't hurry death. It will come when it comes. Until then, endure. That's my plan for now.
     
  6. Unknown_111

    Unknown_111 Forum Buddy Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hi welcome to the site. I know you are hurting but we are a supportive group of people who help each other. Please reconsider you thoughts as keep posting. We care about you. Keep posting and be safe.
     
  7. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    You aren't going to be judged or excluded here. I know it isn't the same as having people physically close to you, but it's something. Here if you feel like talking.
     
  8. Walter Kovacs

    Walter Kovacs Member

    Red Nightmare, why would anyone want to live in pain and die without any sense of fulffilment. No, It's better to die now, to get over it as soon as possible, without any regrets. To me, death feels liberating.
     
    dogman likes this.
  9. Walter Kovacs

    Walter Kovacs Member

    brknsilence , do you really?
     
  10. Red Nightmare

    Red Nightmare Active Member

    Maybe things will get better in life. Maybe there's a purpose to our suffering here. Maybe if we end our own lives we get sent right back to do them over. I wouldn't assume it's liberating. Why risk it?
     
  11. Walter Kovacs

    Walter Kovacs Member

    What if they don't? Nothing has changed since early childhood. 20 years. What evidence is there that change is possible?
     
  12. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Like you, I have no evidence but depression CAN be cured and you should be mindful of that. Have you ever used meetup.com it can be a great way to make friends for all ages and people from all walks of life. I am so sorry that you are feeling this badly. Does talking help? Anti depressants can help a great deal also but if you're unwilling to try them you won't know if they would have lessened the burden or not. Suicide is not a solution to anything. Trust me, I have been there to the point I was on life support in a coma. Things do get better. If I could solve your loneliness and isolation I would but unfortunately I cannot, you can feel free to PM me anytime you need someone to talk to.
     
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