I've been in college for six years trying to finish a four-year science degree. My marks are so bad and I've flunked so many courses that when I asked my career adviser if I can get into graduate studies, she just laughed at me. I doubt I'll be able to pick up a professional work placement either. Who'd pick a student with C averages when there's A's not getting jobs. My expensive six-year science degree won't be worth the paper its printed on. I keep trying to motivate myself to work harder; I set goals to do better; nothing changes. I live with my parents. I'm a single guy, 24, overweight, and my life is a dead end. Offing myself looks very, very good right now. People might say, why not aim lower, find a job that more realistic. What if I don't want to? I've proven myself to be a washout at everything I do. I never follow through on any sport, I don't have any friends, my profs look at me like the loser I am--flunking courses and sheepishly crawling back the next semester. I don't have any motivation, I can't follow through, I fail at everything. For the longest time, what's been holding me back has been my family. Every now and then, my mom says offhandedly "I don't think I can live if you pass before I do" but I think she's exaggerating. She's a strong woman. She'll grieve but I think she'll get over it if I killed myself. Then there's my 12-year-old brother. Perfect little angel. It'll be a shock to him, a big shock, to see my corpse. My parents put me through college and if I die, they'd have to pay for my funeral too. How could I do that to them? But then I came across life insurance. Turns out they come with a two-year "suicide exclusion" clause. If you take out a policy and kill yourself the next day, you don't get paid anything. Fair enough. But if you wait two years and then kill yourself, they have to--by law--pay out your insurance in full. That means I could leave my family--me, a dirt poor college student--half a million dollars in insurance payment. It won't make up for the psychological trauma of my passing, but at least it's something. I plan to go to the bank tomorrow and sign myself up. I have two years to turn my life around. If everything works out, great. If my life is still fucked up, and it likely will be, I can end it knowing my family will be well taken care of. I have detailed plans of how to commit suicide. If I do it, I plan to do it right. I want to be dead, not in the hospital room being interrogated by psychologists. Mind you, I haven't told anyone my about my suicidal thoughts; I'm not ready. You guys are the first. I haven't talked to any professionals because I don't have any mental illness. I'm not depressed, I'm perfectly capable of laughing and feeling happy. I don't have extreme mood swings (not in any way bipolar). You could argue that thinking of suicide is a mental illness but I don't agree with that. My life just sucks. I'm crushed by guilt and shame about leeching off my parents while flunking my courses. I have no self-esteem. I deserve to die. I blame myself for my situation. I'm the one who screwed up my college education. I had every opportunity to succeed--I squandered every one of them. What I want to know is: does my plan sound crazy to you? (the bit about killing myself and the insurance).