i deserve to die

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by slam, Apr 15, 2012.

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  1. slam

    slam Member

    I am too tired. I have lost everything in my life. I am a pariah, all I do is fantasize how to die and what they would do when they find out, and it doesn't seem like a bad thing at all. I deserve to die and they deserve to see it, then they can move on and forget about what a loser I am.

    Food and eating are a waste of my time. Strangely when I'm eating is when i cry most easily.

    I don't care what they say anymore, so what?? just so sorry for my 10yr old, she'll be heart broken and i dunno how it'll affect her....
    she will cope as she gets older, at least I've led her to a brighter path

    why has god orchestrated my demise?

    I'll die soon enough, to be so lucky
     
  2. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    Why do you want to die, what's brought you to this point?

    Your 10-year-old won't just get over it. And I realize this isn't what you want to hear, but it's the truth. Losing a parent to suicide isn't something that will just be gotten over or forgotten. I think there are people here who have been through it, and I know someone personally who lost his mother at age 9, and still feels anger, guilt and pain now, at age 30. Please reconsider!
     
  3. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    Not wanting to guilt trip you, but I knew someone who's parent committed suicide and I met him in a mental hospital.
    His whole life had been blighted by his mother's death and he constantly asked "why did she not love me enough to stay?"

    Time to get some help, and there is help out there.
    Start with your GP and see what they can suggest.
     
  4. pickwithaustin

    pickwithaustin Staff Alumni

    You will destroy the life of your 10 year old. Absolutely positively destroy it. Ask yourself how much you love your child and then decide if your love for your child is real or not. If it is, how can you consider doing this to them. I speak from experience and I have no reason to lie. You will absolutely destroy their life. Be strong for them. Love them for real. Make sure they don't have to suffer as a result.
     
  5. pppqp

    pppqp Well-Known Member

    how are you felling today hun?

    have you sought professional help yet? if not, you have to.

    your daughter would be devastated her entire life. she will never be able to cope.
    there are websites dedicated to people who died because of suicide. take a glimpse. and you will see for yourself how suicide affects the decreased' s loved ones.

    feel free to talk to me anytime.
    wanna tell us more what have brought you to this point?

    take care, my dear <3
     
  6. slam

    slam Member

    I'm ruined....I ruined myself.

    left a place I was so comfortable with....now I'm in my own country, a foreign land, unable to leave, with my family away from me, no place to call home, my wife is gone, my child with her....and my wife only has hate for me, nothing else...

    only my daughter, she loves me

    but I'm fucked...my future is ruined, I'm permanently destroyed

    help? there's help only in places like America, etc, not the 3rd world shithole I'm in....
    my wife doesn't think anything of me, she wants me to prove I'm not a liar but killing myself
    ...that's how I can win her back
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 16, 2012
  7. spidy

    spidy Well-Known Member

    That aint going to win her back and trust me your daughter will never ever get over it.You have to fight this through and find some sort of strength just been thrgh all this myself last 4 and a half years and i know it aint easy to get back on your feet but for your daughters sake you need to find some strength with in you.And im not kidding i had a real rough time too right down to homelessness so i do understand you have a tough time ahead.You just have to do the best you can to rebuild your life.Even if you keep posting here we all here for support please hang in there and take good care of yourself.
     
  8. rv498

    rv498 Well-Known Member

    I am sorry you feel this way. I don't know what I can tell you since I am depressed myself. I have a six year old daughter and honestly she's the only reason I am still alive or not losing my mind. Forget about everything and start thinking in simple terms. Do the best u can and then call it a day. Shut off your mind from deep thinking, it will only make you feel worse. Count sheeps help when I try to go to sleep...
     
  9. slam

    slam Member

    I only cried once today, while brushing teeth, at least it wasn't during mealtimes like usual, when everyone's around, sure ruined the meal

    why? 12 yr marriage, gone in 6mths...how is that possible?
    no infidelity, no physical abuse, no murder or something catastrophic...
    yet we are unable to forgive and move pass 6mths of tribulations?
    I admit I was an angry prick for most of that time, said things...but can she not tell
    how our lives have been so undermined and annihilated?
    so i crumbled under the pressure and took it out on her...I am sorry, forgive me
    but give me a chance, give me hope

    you were supposed to be my soulmate, my partner, you said vows
    I have lost so much these past 6mths, let me keep my family God
    that's ALL I ask,
     
  10. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    Please keep posting here, and take things one day at a time. Even one hour at a time if you need to. Just don't give up. We'll do our best to support you.
     
  11. spidy

    spidy Well-Known Member

    Slam your doing right thing posting i was married for 10 yrs came home oneday and my things were packed sucked i have 4 kids and yeah worse time of my life just bought her new car paid shit load out for things then booted with no money.You will learn to pick your life up and really do your best to find help somewhere.The more you sit and dwell by yourself the worse you start feeling.I do understand this is a very hard time in your life and pm if you need to and please keep posting here because ppl here care.Best thing you can do is get it off your chest.Take care and hope to see you posting again.
     
  12. slam

    slam Member

    I want to take time to thank everyone...

    I was asked to write about my feelings by a friend and this was what I did.
    http://searchformylegs.blogspot.com/

    but it hasn't helped...I still feel very lost and utter hopelessness and negative....I wrote her a long email saying I'm sorry but I guess it falls on deaf ears
     
  13. pickwithaustin

    pickwithaustin Staff Alumni

    You're definitely doing the right things, Slam. Keep up the strength, keep on remembering that negative feelings are temporary (even if they've been around a while). There really is better days coming. Hang in and reach out when you need to.
     
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