I desperately want to know my family better

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by thebaronspell, Jul 18, 2011.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. thebaronspell

    thebaronspell Well-Known Member

    I finally get somewhere in a relationship and then my life has another setback. My friends won't talk to me adding to a list which also consists of my Dad, Half Sister and countless other moronic relatives. I've never met my half sister before but I've made a big attempt in trying to know her as I traced her down online with very little information on her at my disposal. I've mentioned on here before that my Father only bothers with his other children two of which live locally and hasn't seen me, brother or little sister in ten years. I feel isolated by people for not having my Dad around or for being unable to tell them much about him. All my friends who have had normal upbringings are excel in life where as I'm struggling to keep pace with things. I don't want to tell my girlfriend about my past but I know I'm going to have to cough up sooner or later. My friends tell me I'm boring and then wonder why I can't face going out with them it's so frustrating the minute I socialise they want to drag me into the gutter. Now when I need a foe to talk to about my adorable girlfriend they are nowhere to be heard off and I can't turn to any family members because they just don't exist in my world. My ex girlfriend surely is right, I'm the happiest I've been in years yet I'd get more company in a dark graveyard then I would of the living. I find it totally hard to accept when people say I should just forget about people who don't care about me but I'm not blessed with people I can turn to and I literally would spill my guts up to my worst enemy if it meant having a shoulder to cry on. I really want to know about my family background, I wanted to have my first legal alcoholic beverage in a pub or bar with my Dad, I want to know all about my older half sister but they won't let me in or make any effort with me. I feel cursed in life. I want to be able to tell my girlfriend about the man who created me and the blood ties I have but I can't and it's so annoying. Everybody I know has a strong family network I feel so out of the loop it's unfair. I even stopped speaking to a friend because he kept insisting I went to his family parties of people I didn't know, just because I'd go home crying as I could never have a bond with any of my family like he has.
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    mm lot of families are disconnected it seems hun i never knew my fathers side of family either and they did not care to reach out to us even my grandfather i did not know he died when i was 12 it was like we became noone when my father deserted us. You can talk here hun i am so glad you are happy with your new gf she will understand hun I know it is hard but now it is time to make a new life a new beginning okay all you can do is reach out to them if they choose not to reach back it is there loss hugs
  3. thebaronspell

    thebaronspell Well-Known Member

    Thanks for your supportive reply. The only time I remember ever seeing a glimpse of my Dad's Mum was when she was in hospital dying of cancer, that was only because I managed to walk past the room as the door was just about to close shut. At that time my Mum briefly (stupidly) took back my Dad until he did a runner again. I recall all the other grandchildren and relatives being called beside her death bed yet me and my brother wasn't. I don't remember who exactly was there to be honest. The only person on my Dad's side of the family I've ever considered family was my Dad's step dad who when I last saw him invited me in and told me tales of how all the grandchildren were getting on and then became fatigued when I saw a few brief photos in a pile he had of me, my brother and sister and he couldn't even remember their names. I had resorted to seeing him to try and get a number for my Father but only left with my half sister's name. The thing is I resent people so badly and the weirdest thing happened recently where I was shopping in town and I saw an elderly man who looked like me but the spitting image of my father and it may have been my real granddad as it's said he lives local yet nobody speaks of him. I don't understand why my Dad sees his other kids but not me, it's so unfair. I've come to the theory that because his dad walked out on him (he was the oldest child) he thought he'd make his first son's life a total hell hole as well. The mother of my half twin brothers is an expletive useless home wrecking woman who knew my Mum was pregnant with my brother yet threw herself at my Dad. I know exactly where she lives but I'm not going to lash out it's not in me I shall contain my childhood pain and let it loose should I ever see my father again. I'm struggling to see why it is I should feel secluded from having a family unit in my life. I've never had a role model or father figure and my grandparents were either dead, dying or in the shadows. My girlfriend will understand she doesn't live with her real dad and she really is quite out of this world. I'd do anything to tear out all my bad memories to just have good ones if I could but I can't :(
  4. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    your past sounds so much like my own time to let those past memories of pain be replaced with memories of happier ones with your gf don't live in the past hun it will only rob you of the future. You know even on my fathers death bed he disowned us all he called and told me not to contess his will he was leaving everything to his new daughter i told him he gave me nothing in life why would i want something from him in death i hate him i still hate him The emotion of anger and hate only serves to hurt us more hun try to concentrate on the present okay and the wonderful future you will have with your gf Iknow it is so hard to let it go but try okay hugs
  5. thebaronspell

    thebaronspell Well-Known Member

    I'll try my best hun. It's immensely difficult when I'm reminded of what I lack in life every single day. People assuming I live with my father, it is so annoying. I dread to imagine how you must of felt when you was singled out like that :(
    I know I can progress well with this girl. My only slight worry is that she is a couple years younger then me and she does prefer the night life scene more then I do. I'm concerned I'll drag her down into the mire with me.
  6. LoveBeing

    LoveBeing Well-Known Member

    It’s a blessing that you have a wonderful girlfriend whom you love so much…

    We cannot do anything about others’ choices towards us. We can only do what we can. Enjoy life with your beloved girlfriend. I don’t understand why it’s so important that you talk with someone else about your adorable girlfriend?

    Also, what do you expect to get out of information on those family members? Why do you feel the need to tell others about your dad rather than just plainly tell them the actual situation with your dad? Do you think it would make a huge difference to them? (Maybe they’ve already known anyway?) Would that change who you are to them in any way?

    I would not say that you should just forget about those family members. But sometime you just have to move on with life. If you let the situation affect your actual daily living like stop speaking to a friend just because he kept insisting you go to his family parties or feeling so much stress in front of your girlfriend, it would not be helpful to your own well being and your relationship with your girlfriend…

    I hope you can put your attention and energy to your actual living and embracing life with your adorable girlfriend…

    Wish the best to you and your girlfriend...
  7. thebaronspell

    thebaronspell Well-Known Member

    I meant to discuss other things with them, not my love life to be fair. Well for instance the friend I've known the longest asked if me, my brother and sister all had the same father (which we do) it just sounded like a dig because he knows we do and had he listened to me over the years he'd have known. When I told him about tracking down my half sister he forgot withing a week. Another friend having heard let me cry my heart out said at least I wasn't a starving african. Snubbing my life on the spot basically. That wasn't the main reason for ignoring him it was due to the fact he had got jealous of me getting more attention from girls which led to him calling me boring to my friends and insisting I was continuously ill every time they went out so they didn't bother asking if I wanted to go out, which meant I was unaware until the day after. He only ever invited me to parties because nobody else would go.

    I guess I'm looking for some kind of closure? I just need to know why my Dad doesn't love me but does to three other of his kids. It's like he has thought it through and said ah 3/6 is enough :(
  8. LoveBeing

    LoveBeing Well-Known Member

    It appears that your friends are not so sensitive. Sometimes they use certain terms trying to be cool or to show their knowledge without sensitivity which is actually kind of ignorant. You are different from them in that regard. You are a sensitive and loving gentleman, which may have something to do with your life situations. In a way, you can see it as a blessing…

    Don’t feel bad because how your “friends” are. It seems that they are quite preoccupied with their own issues. You know what they think or say cannot change how you or things really are. You know that he is jealous of you and that you are not boring or continuously ill as he says. If you feel need to, you can clarify it to your friends…

    It’s understandable that you may be looking for some kind of closure. Just don’t let it consume you…

    Again, whatever the situation is, past or present, you have nothing to hide. Things are as they are. They don’t make you anything less. You are as you are…

    Have fun and enjoy life with your adorable girlfriend! :)
  9. thebaronspell

    thebaronspell Well-Known Member

    Everybody has an opinion but they seem to use it to make me feel bad. I try to be yet they get far more attention and admiration in life, perhaps being a gentleman isn't all that i'd expect it to be?

    I don't think I want to speak to any of them anymore. They set out to hurt me non stop and it's really getting to me.

    I won't let it drag me down. Thanks :)
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.