I just joined this site and feel i really need to be here right now. I very recently made another suicide and i thought it was fool proof. I put alot of effort into making sure it worked as the precious attempts only left me unwell and in physical pain but not dead. I dont understand why it didnt work. It should have worked. Im feeling like some force is not allowing me to leave this world, they want me to stay and suffer. Today ive been really at a low point. I think i just havent got the energy or the fight. Im so disapointed in my self and the fact i have a mental illness.i cant cope like a normal person. I can barely look after my self. I have no motivation. Im ashamed of my self and how messy my flat is and how i cant make my self get up and do it.