I did it , I f*ckin did it

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by rojer, Feb 11, 2010.

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  1. rojer

    rojer Active Member

    I'm not a good looking guy. I'm 20 years old and still a virgin never had a first kiss not even a girl interested in me. Even though I had several attempts to get a girl to like me my attempts were rejected, even though I lowered my standards to unbelievably low standards. I got tired of it. I came to realize that the real life ain't a story where you meet your true lover that sh*t only happens for attractive people. I f*cked a hooker, some 40 year old washed up looking thing. She was cold I was cold, at the end she asked why I never came. I didn't answer her and left. That's when I realized I lost my virginity to a 40 year old hooker. I'm a piece of sh*t.

    I thought love would make me feel good but I soon realized it's never coming so I tried sex and it made it worse. I hate school I am a loner with no friends have been since I was 5. I hate my family they always keep me inside the house and have raised me to be anti-social. No visiting friends, going to parties etc. I hate myself , I hate mylife I hope one day something happens to me because I'm too p*ssy to do it myself.


    Could someone give me something to look forward to in the morning? I thought one day I could wake up next to someone that loves me but that will never happen. I never cared much for money, I don't have any passions.Slowly each day I feel my mental health deteriorating I feel cravings to do things that are perverted and disgusting.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 11, 2010
  2. Datura

    Datura Well-Known Member

    Move out. You're 20 with plenty of years ahead of you (probably much to your dismay), not a 52 year old man with no relationship experience. You can change.
     
  3. TWF

    TWF Well-Known Member

    Keep focusing on school, get a job and your money. Girls also like high earners, men in a good position in their lives (doesn't make them gold diggers, it's just a good quality for you to have). Better to be not so good looking but successfull than nothing. All I'm saying is, change your goals to reach your goals.
     
  4. faded echoes

    faded echoes Active Member

    I'm going to tell you a little bit about my boyfriend. He never had a serious girlfriend, never thought he'd fall in love. He didn't lose his virginity until he was 27. He definitely doesn't consider himself attractive either. Now...he's madly in love with a girl that's crazy about him too. You see...it took some time for him, but he found it, eventually.

    You're only 20. Chances are that there is still plenty of opportunity to meet that special someone. With some effort, your life can change a lot for the better. You just have to let yourself get better. You need to love yourself before someone else can love you.
     
  5. aoeu

    aoeu Well-Known Member

    Get a haircut, get new glasses, lift some weights, run a bit, smile a lot... You'll be more attractive than the majority of people. Unless you're hideously disfigured, you're responsible for your own attractiveness (or lack thereof).
     
  6. Reki

    Reki Well-Known Member

    Try not to let it get you down too much. I know that's easier said than done but you're only 20 and life goes on, you can still change. I remember seeing somewhere that self awareness is the first step to getting some self respect and thus self assurance aka confidence. What we think and what we do are often worlds apart. If you were someone else watching yourself right now, what would you see? Looking at the situation from someone else's point of view makes it easier to see things this person could be doing differently.
    This is probably the way to go if you haven't done so already.
     
  7. jjjoooggg2

    jjjoooggg2 Well-Known Member

    There are a few of us that don't want to get married or have a girlfriend. Once you've tried really hard a few times to be with a girl, you will get an epiphany. I don't need a significant other to acknowledge my worth to the world. I am not brainwashed by society's standard to get married by 20 something. I enjoy my freedom that my friends don't have because they are married and have two kids. I enjoy driving late at night to run errands and fix things without a wife to go pissy. Getting married is the last thing that I'm worried about.
    BTW, I'm 39.
     
  8. Shattered Soldier

    Shattered Soldier Well-Known Member

    I feel for you, I seriously feel for you. I think rejection is the most painful experience that any person who is also experiencing life problems can possibly endure. I have had a few women of my dream types and a few great relationships where I had seriously lowered my standards, at least I was given a chance. Recently I seriously lowered my standards and asked a girl out on a date. It all went to hell and it turned out that she really wasn't hoping it was a date. I could tell by her mannerisms, the way she dressed for the occasion (down, seriously dressed like a slob), and how cautious she was about me paying for anything, it was a terrible and humiliating experience. I couldn't wait to go home and swim in my suicidal thoughts concerning my most recent rejection. I know this isn't like your story, but it reminded me of part of mine that I accidentally left out. If it helps to know that you helped somebody with your post, then that's what I'm here to say, you helped me.

    I am the oldest of three younger brothers. I'm single and with my mind the way it is, I see no hope of finding anybody ever again. Anyway, my three younger brothers are all married to some very hot women, their pictures are up all over the house, and I feel a surge of resentment every time we get together. I find myself asking, why can't I get married? Why can't I have a hot wife like them? Why do I have to be the one that's jobless, single, and all fucked up in the head?

    My only advice to you is this, and this is something that I learned from my last excursion: If you pursue a women who is attracted to you, then you're a potential mate, suitor, etc. If you pursue a woman who is not attracted to you, even if she's below your standards, you're a stalker. At least I'm pretty sure that word will pop into her head once or twice.

    As for thinking about doing perverted things, that's just the lonliness seeping into your mind. Don't let it get you, and don't let it get to the point where you think you're weird or something for getting these thoughts. Even men who are tired of their wives, girlfriends, or even their normal dose of internet porn get these thoughts.

    As for people not wanting relationships, there are some like us who live our whole lives around finding them, and others who just love themselves so much that they feel no need to be validated by somebody else. I like feeling validated by somebody else. I like having passionate sex. I like being told that I'm beautiful. I'm pretty sure you're the same way. Hang in there, and I'll pray that by 30 you'll be dating some crazy 21 year old that blows your old geezer mind. Its worth the wait even if you only get her for a month (personal experience again). But stranger things have happened, but they say being yourself, waiting around, maybe getting your fortune told by a good psychic helps! No need to work on yourself too hard either, if its gonna happen, it just happens.

    Thanks again for your help!

    Mike
     
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