I'm not a good looking guy. I'm 20 years old and still a virgin never had a first kiss not even a girl interested in me. Even though I had several attempts to get a girl to like me my attempts were rejected, even though I lowered my standards to unbelievably low standards. I got tired of it. I came to realize that the real life ain't a story where you meet your true lover that sh*t only happens for attractive people. I f*cked a hooker, some 40 year old washed up looking thing. She was cold I was cold, at the end she asked why I never came. I didn't answer her and left. That's when I realized I lost my virginity to a 40 year old hooker. I'm a piece of sh*t. I thought love would make me feel good but I soon realized it's never coming so I tried sex and it made it worse. I hate school I am a loner with no friends have been since I was 5. I hate my family they always keep me inside the house and have raised me to be anti-social. No visiting friends, going to parties etc. I hate myself , I hate mylife I hope one day something happens to me because I'm too p*ssy to do it myself. Could someone give me something to look forward to in the morning? I thought one day I could wake up next to someone that loves me but that will never happen. I never cared much for money, I don't have any passions.Slowly each day I feel my mental health deteriorating I feel cravings to do things that are perverted and disgusting.