I did it... *trigger*

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by Sa Palomera, Nov 20, 2006.

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  1. Sa Palomera

    Sa Palomera Well-Known Member

    yeh so. I started sh-ing again. after a VERY long while of months without really cutting, I started cutting AND burning this weekend. I feel bad about it, especially cos this way I hurt people I care about and one in particular (I'm truly sorry)... but why do I do it...

    COs I deserve it. All I seem to bring along with me into my friendships is confusion and pain. I seem to end up hurting everyone I care about. and it won't stop. Therefore I should be punished. It hurts when I do it, but at the same time it feels good. Can't really explain...
  2. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    Ester :sad: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug:
  3. Will

    Will Staff Alumni

    Sorry Ester...

    How are you feeling right now? Is there anything in paticular that is hurting you?
  4. Sa Palomera

    Sa Palomera Well-Known Member

    I'm still not doing well. Can't stop doing it anymore. No matter how much I care about people and now matter how badly some want me to stop. I just can't. It hurts to hurt them like that, but it hurts even more to live with the idea of how much I hurt everyone by just being me.

    I hate life. and I wish I'd die. I want to die so badly, but I can't. So I just will have to live with SH-ing. It sucks.
  5. wienerman

    wienerman Guest

    you dont hurt people by just being youself

  6. Marshmallow

    Marshmallow Staff Alumni

    Hun we talked about this yesterday and have been talking about it since you told me that you started this. You know how much it hurts me. I made a promise to stop self harming for YOU and i want you to do the same for me.

    You know how much i care for you, i tell ya often enough! :tongue:

    Remember that promise you made me the other day? the one you asked me on the phone and i asked you back and you said you couldn't promise that and the other day you did promise me, that meant alot to me and i want you to keep that promise to me, you know how much i'd hurt if anything happen to you! and i've told ya what would happen if ya did anything.

    I want you to keep that promise soo bad and im willing to make that promise back. I need you to STOP what your doing, i've asked you many times now, i asked you yesterday and you agree so u need to do it.

    You know how i reacted to what you showed me on cam. Im stopping for you. You DON'T deserve this, not one bit! You know im allways here for you! and i want you to stop, please for me. Can you do that for me?

    If i can stop you can, your so much stronger than me and you CAN do it hun. I don't wanna see ya in any pain, if i could take away the pain then i would do it with out a doubt! If i could take your pain away and put it into me, so i feel double the pain im feeling then i would if it made you happy, thats how much i care for you. I would put myself thru physical and emotional pain for you. I would give my life for anyone i care for and that includes you.

    Look forward to things :smile: comming to london :eek:hmy: and how i might come over to Holland :bleh: (urgh need money first lol) but i will come one day and i need you there to show me around! otherwise silly me will get lost as per usual! lol

    Take care sweetheart

    Viks XxXxX
  7. Ishtar,
    That's okay if you slip up once in a while as long as you continue to pull through. You have a friend that woul seem to care alot for you as they become upset with you, an now you know you have them there. I too know what it feel likes to slip and haev a friend become upset with me, but in the end I wanted to stop for myself and to stop her worrying.

    You don't deserve this punishement, you sound like a good hearted person who just got lost along the way. Don't worry about getting the courage to try again you will always have the suppot here.
  8. Marshmallow

    Marshmallow Staff Alumni

    Ester what JaN said is true, you know im here for you! how many times do i tell you. You know it hurts me, and i know it hurts you when i self harm. But i want you to be safe, and if you ever feel like doing that againg (which i hope to god you don't) i want you to tell me, call me or text me ANYTIME i don't care if its in the middle of the night, i give ya permission to wake me up if ya need to lol :tongue: (which you seem to be doing alot recently lol :tongue:)

    I can proberbly guess why you feel you need to be punished, but believe me you don't, we all hurt people in many ways and what you feel you need to be punished for you seriously don't, Okay hun? Listen to me, you know i wouldn't tell you something if i didn't mean it. You put far too much guilty on yourself for things you can't control, i know how that feels because i do the same thing time and time again.

    Don't shut us out, especially me okay? You know how much i care for you lol i've told you how many times! :tongue: and if i say something nice and its the truth and you go 'oh shut up :shy:' lol start believing what im saying, because everything i tell you is true. You mean so much to me, i wouldn't of got this far without you!

    Allways here for you

    Love ya

    Vikki x

    P.S. - :tongue: *sexy pen!!* :tongue:
  9. BrokenPieces

    BrokenPieces Well-Known Member

    i think you are the one that has been sweet and awesome to me on AD!!!!!

    Hun, you need to just try and relax, you dont deserve to hurt yourself over anything, and you dont need this...

    dont be harsh on yourself, it seems to me, that you are making it harder on yourself than you are anything.

    I am here if you want to PM me and talk!!!!

    Love you hun!!!

  10. Sa Palomera

    Sa Palomera Well-Known Member

    thanks y'all for the lovely replies. I have only done it twice so far today. My arm looks like shit though :(
    I hate myself.
  11. Marshmallow

    Marshmallow Staff Alumni

    Hun you know how much this hurts me, i want you to tell me in future, and you know how much it hurt seeing this in a thread and not hearing it from you. You expect me to talk to you before i self harm but you won't talk to me, its fucking kills. It feels like someones stabbed me in the chest.

    You know how much i care for you and you know how much it hurts to hear that your doing this to yourself. If i could psychially be there, then with out a doubt i would! I would rather you tell me before you do it, then at least i've got a chance of talking you out of it and i know i could. Many times you've managed to stop me, and i KNOW i could stop you when you've got the urge but you need to give me that chance.
  12. BrokenPieces

    BrokenPieces Well-Known Member

    hun dont hate yourself!!!!

    your arm will heal!!!!
  13. blub

    blub Guest

    Ester :hug: wat klote!!!
    But dont hate yourself
    Because there is nothing to hate about you
    You're a wondefull person :hug:
    If you want to tak, I'm here fr you
  14. Sa Palomera

    Sa Palomera Well-Known Member

    today I'll stop
  15. Marshmallow

    Marshmallow Staff Alumni

    good :smile:

    You dunno how proud i am of you :biggrin: :biggrin: you can do this hun :hug:
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