Ya know, I was wrong. It really doesn't get any better. I don't know what the hell I was thinking. How I could ever believe anything will ever change for me. I was watching a show on PBS, it was good and different. In the end she dies. It triggered so many thoughts & feelings, helpless, anger, sad, pissed at me, heartbreaking, shattered. & realized I never showed my husband how valuable and loved He was to me. I DID NOT KNOW HOW!!! I really had no model for that. Now, I will never have a chance DAMN IT damn me I am planning an attempt soon. :sad: I just give up. I really do.