I panicked, after a year and a half of being with someone (this is the longest relationship i have managed to be in mostly by choice) i fucking panicked.. Thinking about spending the rest of my life with someone suddenly scared me, but what scared me more was being without her. We were arguing mostly about my lack of communication, i needed to fix it, but how? There was someone that worked somewhere i frequent, i never paid any attention to her, because i was blinded by love.. she looked at me, i looked back... i suddenly got the idea in my head to break up with the person i loved to fix our relationship, to fix me, to be better for her, to be blinded by love again. I tried to explain, i failed. She has moved on, i pretend to be okay but every day i am talking myself out of suicide. I don't have family, i am truly alone. Her boyfriend tells me i am controlling her and to go away, she tells me she wants to be friends and she is so happy we can be. i just want to die.. I am reading a book called "by the time you read this i will be dead" its supposed to talk you out of it, i've read the first 100 pages all today, and still i wish i was dead. I have been left alone, completely.. literally.. Where do i turn? who do you talk to when you literally have nobody? what the fuck do you do? I am afraid i won't be able to talk myself out of it, i am afraid i am actually going to do it. someone, anyone, help me.