I didn't ask to be born. I wasn't even a planned child; just the result of my parents drunken antics in the bedroom. I don't know what I did to deserve this life of suffering. Mental disorders, loneliness, and depression are my only friends. The funniest thing is that I am only still living because of the people that put this curse on me-- my parents. I can't burden them with killing myself. My mother I could hardly care less about, but my dad is just someone I can't do this to. If you saw me, you would probably think I was just a normal, down to earth guy. I certainly don't look the way I feel inside. My thoughts and dreams are filled with fantasies of killing myself and finally becoming free. I imagine myself floating up from the Earth, looking down at all the bullshit and suffering I would leave behind, and it brings tears to my eyes. I honestly can't imagine my life ever becoming enjoyable. I am far too messed up and repulsive to ever have any friends or a girlfriend. I'll be spending the next 60 years keeping myself company and masturbating to internet porn. I wonder how long it will take before the loneliness finally takes my sanity. I have been having very disturbing thoughts lately. Nothing I would ever act on, but just the fact that I'm thinking them upsets me. I have thoughts of killing people, raping women, incest, and pretty much any sickening thing you can imagine. As I said, I don't think I would ever act on these thoughts, but I just cannot purge them from my mind. I seriously wish I could just die in my sleep, or maybe in a car accident. If I can't kill myself, the next best thing would be to just die some other way. Yes, I am one seriously messed up individual.