I Didn't Really Want to Die

Discussion in 'After Effects' started by Alex_M, Jun 12, 2010.

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  1. Alex_M

    Alex_M Member

    This happened two weeks ago. Recently I have completed my MSW but have not been able to find employment in my city, either as a social worker or even at McDonald's. This has made my tendency towards feeling depressed much worse.

    Two weeks ago, I attended a barbeque hosted by my sister's boyfriends' parents. We arrived at 1:30 PM, at which point I started drinking cocktails, beer and wine. We did not eat until around 5:30 PM, by which point I was very drunk. After eating dinner and drinking more, I went home with my parents to their house and continued to drink until I had had another half a bottle of red wine. Around 1:30 AM I felt tired, but I was too anxious to sleep. I looked into my childhood bedside drawer and found some sleeping pills. So I took 4 expired (in 2008) Sleep-Eze D.

    Blissfully I fell asleep in my childhood room.

    I woke up around 6:30 AM. Suddenly I felt cold and wet, so I sat up in my bed. There was yellow puke all over my pillow, sheets and pyjamas. I did not remember waking up to puke.

    I realized that if it were not for my habit of sleeping on my stomach and side in the early morning, I might have vomited in my sleep, aspirated it, choked and died. My family would not have known whether or not it was intentional. It would have been 110% unintentional!

    The light of dawn guided me as I gathered up my sheets and cleaned them by hand so as to hide the evidence of what had happened. I set my sheets and clothes out to dry and la down on my stripped bed, having taken a Gravol to help me fall asleep after the ordeal.

    I am seeing two counselors right now (and have an appointment with a psychiatrist on June 29) and I have told them about this, and have made action plans with my sister and boyfriend so that this doesn't happen again. Still, I have been very shaken by this experience.

    I am glad to be part of this community.
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