I didn't think I would care..........

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by twistedwhispers, Mar 6, 2010.

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  1. twistedwhispers

    twistedwhispers Member & Antiquities Friend

    what happen after I sent him the text. But I guess I do. It hurts. To know that he is that superficial. I know I have gained some weight since the last time he saw me but f***, I am still a person.........with feelings...........Screw it. I am glad it "Played out this way" because it is finally, completely over.

    No more worrying if I could lose enough weight to see him again & failing at that miserably.

    It just makes me literally feel sick. Gee, isn't that ironic. Me feeling sick. I don't even want to eat.

    I will just have to believe that everything happens for a reason.....
  2. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    Oh dear. This sounds like a very sad and horrible situation you find yourself in. Do you want to tell us any more about it? Who is he? What did he say?

    To a decent and worthwhile person the weight of people you care about is not a huge issue, unless the weight is a cause for concern with relation to their health.

    What are the feelings you are feeling right now?
  3. Bambi

    Bambi Well-Known Member

    Hey sorry for your disappointment, you sound sad but at the same time pissed off....that pissed offedness is the fighter in you so hang with it!

    This guys sound incredibly superficial, really and truly. Anyone that bases their feelings on you because of the way you look is bullshit in my mind and not worth it themselves.

    If you would like to lose some weight you can still do so but you will be doing it for you! Hey who knows some other guy might come along....one that is not so superficial and more worthy of your love and affections.

    I am sorry you were let down but best you know now that he is more like a player than a person that can deal with reality and true human emotions and such.

  4. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    sounds like you are better off without him.....even though it hurts...
  5. Wastingecho

    Wastingecho Well-Known Member

    first of all, you will find a lot of other guys who are willing to accept you for what you are so forget about this idiot

    the real question you want to ask yourself is whether or not YOU are healthy and comfortable with yourself - if you are, great

    if you do feel that you want to lose weight, make sure that you want to do it for YOU, not for someone else

    in the long run, YOU have to be satisfied with the end result
  6. twistedwhispers

    twistedwhispers Member & Antiquities Friend

    Thank you all for your replies.

    He called me. He asked if he could stop by tomorrow instead of tonight. I said okay. I couldn't use my weight as the excuse anymore. It will be nice to see him. I just need to stay in control of my feelings. I have a tenancy to fall quick.

    I have known him for 8 years. We have had an off and on again "thing".

    My depression has always been my excuse for not doing anything. You could say it has really been my excuse for not "living". It's like I am realizing that for the first time.

    I have no one to blame for what I am but myself.

    Wow. I am rambling.........I just honestly thought I would never see him again. But I want to. I hope it goes well.
  7. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    Have you sought help for your depression?
  8. mcviking

    mcviking Well-Known Member

    If its an on again and off again thing and you don't have mutual feelings (i.e. I like you you like me) then he is just using you. Guys do this and so do women. They have someone in their life that will always be there for them when they are down or in a dry spell and they just use them like a dildo or a sock. I know it sounds callous but if he keeps stringing you along then that is exactly what is going on. If you can't be with you because your too fat or something then he isn't worth one second of your time.
  9. butterflies32

    butterflies32 Well-Known Member


    U obviously do care and I wonder why you feel like you need to lose weight for him to see you? it doesn't seem vey healthy and I wonder if he accepts you anyway you look... I wonder what makes u feel like your weight is aproblem in this relationship.

    As for the depression :hug: hun its a hard thing to live with but you can get out of it slowly. Are you seeking help for it?

    keep talking.

  10. twistedwhispers

    twistedwhispers Member & Antiquities Friend

    All of what you say is true. I know this in my heart........

    I sent a text and asked to "reschedule" our visit. Haven't heard back
    yet. I am okay with that.

    I am on medication. Prozac & Wellbutrin for my depression. Lorazepam for anxiety. I was seeing a therapist but stopped about a year ago. Right now due to financial reasons, I can't really start up again. But I take my medication religiously and it does help. If I were not on medication, I am pretty sure I would not be here.
  11. butterflies32

    butterflies32 Well-Known Member

    :hug: I've had lorazepam before for anxiety is effective but addictive to. Do u think it is working?

  12. twistedwhispers

    twistedwhispers Member & Antiquities Friend

    Yes, I do. And yeah, I know it's addicting. I have been on it for about 15 years. But I don't abuse it. I have had to up my dosage two times. Not bad for 15 years. :rolleyes:
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