i didn't want to do this...

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by punchdrunk, Oct 23, 2006.

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  1. punchdrunk

    punchdrunk New Member

    i feel as if i am bothering people by writing this. but i am having a hard time coping with my friends and family. i thought that maybe if i talk to someone about how depressed i am feeling, they'd want to help. but i always hear, "you have nothing to be depressed about." which just makes me feel as if there is something wrong with me. i feel so alone. im really afraid to talk about my feelings with people i don't know, but i really am trying to help myself. i've been pretty suicidal for the past couple of months. i've been...cutting...and it just seems like everytime i promise friends that i won't do it again, i just do it worse the next time.

    i feel so worthless. i just want help. i ask my parents to help me get a therapist..but they don't think i need one. i don't know what else to do.

    could anyone help me?
  2. had_enuff

    had_enuff Guest

    Talk to me PD....If anyones says to you, "you have nothing to be depressed about", this is not true. Tell me whats going on.:cool:
  3. Marshmallow

    Marshmallow Staff Alumni


    Firstly welcome to the forums! I hope you stick around with us :smile:

    You shouldn't feel like your bothering anyone at all! thats what we're here for :smile:

    I want you to remember depression is a chemical imbalance in the brain and can be nothing at all, some people get depression for no particular reason :sad:

    I think talking to someone will help alot, talking here is a very good way of releasing stress, it maye be helpful to post here and get things off your chest and get the advice and opinons of others in similar situations.

    I know what its like to talk about your feelings with people you don't know its hard i know :sad: but try build up trust and friendship with some people here and talking about things like that will come naturally, you can really make some good friends here :smile:

    If you really think you need to see a therapist sit down with your family and explain that its what you want and you really have nothing to lose by seeing someone, its gonna be hard i know :sad: if not take it into your own hands and arrange it yourself and i would strongly reccomend seeing a doctor, you need to sort the cutting and these suicidle feeling out before you end up harming yourself seriously. The doctor can arrange counselling and also medication if needed :smile:

    Please take care of yourself

    Vikki :hug:
  4. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    Hmmm well you can come here. I don't trust therapists..... I feel they will lead you around in circles till they retire.. mainly because if you get cured they lose money.

    I assume people say that I have nothing to be depressed about. So I only talk to people online. I find the most theraputic thing for me is writing my LiveJournal and then telling online friends about it... though I post the same stuff here and in other places. It clears my head I guess.

    We are all different.
  5. punchdrunk

    punchdrunk New Member

    i really appreciate the replies. :smile:

    everytime i get frustrated, i push it down, until i have one day where someone just does something little, and i scream and cry and basically freak out. now, to everyone, this looks like im crazy. but im not. i really just don't know how to cope with my stress. i told a doctor about my anxiety and depression and she put me on Lexapro. its not a bad drug, but i didn't like how it made me. i was very quiet and i felt pretty apathetic. then i went back and saw another doctor and she gave me phone numbers for therapists but my parents told me i couldn't do it. their reasoning, "if you can't talk to us about it, then why would you want to talk to someone you don't know?" they kind of make me feel guilty about it. i want to be ok. i want someone who won't judge me. who won't mock me or tell me to shut up when i start to cry. i think im ready to move out, but im stuck with all these problems. like how i have a horrible job that pays mininum wage and i owe my parents about 800 dollars because of some bills i haven't been able to pay. (like, my car breaking down, phone bill, insurance, etc.) its not a crisis, but i constantly hear, "you owe us money. where is that 100 bucks you owe me this week? you better be getting more hours. you need to get a second job." i already work full time and go to full time school for college. its just so much on my back, and they just don't accept it.

    im sorry i went on a rant. if anyone wants to chat with me and talk, my AIM sn is Punchdrunk413.
    thank you so much for listening.
  6. Marshmallow

    Marshmallow Staff Alumni

    Ello again

    Sound like your bottling alot of things up, I do the same, then one day just flip out, it's a very bad habbit, all of us should deal with things as they come, the worse thing we can do is bottle it up, doing that just makes us feel a hell of alot worses than before.

    You shouldn't feel fuilty about what your parents said, it is a hell of alot easier to talk to someone you don't know rather than your parents, everyone finds it hard to talk to their parents, but with someone you don't know you can be alot more open with them because their not in the situation and you can get another point of view without feeling judged about the situation. A counseller will not judge you, their there to listen and help you thru this difficult time.

    Good luck with the schooling :smile:

    And its perfectly okay to go into a rant, thats what SF is for right? :smile: and no need to thank anyone for listening, its my pleasure, thats what im hear for :smile:

    Take care of yourself

  8. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    Well then you just have to get out... I find that people do not always understand why we go to therapy. I don't cause I don't trust anyone... but others who might want too don't go to avoid judgement.

    You need to get out of your house. Sounds to me like the parents are the cause of your stress. If you did not always have someone harping on you and telling you that you cannot talk to others because you don't talk to them is annoying as well.

    Maybe get a kitty cause kitties rock the world >.< I know that most of the people I hear from on this forum live in negative environments... ones that they can escape. You might feel better if you escape from the current situation. Just save up the $800 then save up for a place and get out and never see the family again... that is my plan really.
  9. had_enuff

    had_enuff Guest

    Hey PD,

    Sounds like your oldies are really giving you a hard time. Thats not good.:eek:hmy: Maybe you could try really hard to get the money for a little bit, just to shut them up, then they wont have anything to winge about. If they still winge after that, maybe you could look at getting a place of your own or with some mates or somthing, if your not still in school that is.

    I know what you mean (i think) because my dad and i never got on at all and he was always on my back. But i toughed it out until i could get a place of my own and things began to really go good for me.

    Its the old saying i guess that you can choose your friends but you cant choose your family!!!:blink:

    PS i think it sucks that your parents wont allow you to try therapy.:mad:
    Hang in there PD.....:tongue:
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