i really really do. it goes beyond self hated... self disgust. there aren't even words. i don't even feel comfortable with saying whats on my mind. there are deep feelings of disgust that i can't even talk about. i'm just a really horrible person. i haven't done anything illegal, but it's just... not good. i'm a huge burden... this isn't even an argueable point. it's 100% fact. and I hate myself for it. i don't know how to change. maybe i can't. i hate being such a disappointment to everyone. i hate it. i wanted to be someone that everyone could be proud of. but i'm not. i'm sorry that this makes no sense to those reading. i just need to write.