I am adulterer , a fornicator, and an abuser. I love my wife so much! I did the unspeakable. I never hit her. I did much worse. I have beautifully family and I threw it all away! I spent so much of life with her and now I am lost without her. I will miss my children so much. But after all of my abuse, my wife still loves me. I have changed for over a year but I can't find a way to forgive myself. I'm trying so hard to build up the strength courage to leave this world and to see if it will be better. If not I deserve what ever is waiting for me on the other side. I practice<mod edit methods>myself. Hoping one day I will actually follow threw with it. I am giving myself a week. If not by <mod edit methods>, maybe a <mod edit methods>. I figure if I don't have <mod edit methods>. That may be my second option. I need to find a way soon. My time is done here. Nothing else for me.