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I do not deserve to live!

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by JLH1971, Jan 22, 2013.

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  1. JLH1971

    JLH1971 New Member

    I am adulterer , a fornicator, and an abuser. I love my wife so much! I did the unspeakable. I never hit her. I did much worse. I have beautifully family and I threw it all away! I spent so much of life with her and now I am lost without her. I will miss my children so much. But after all of my abuse, my wife still loves me. I have changed for over a year but I can't find a way to forgive myself. I'm trying so hard to build up the strength courage to leave this world and to see if it will be better. If not I deserve what ever is waiting for me on the other side. I practice<mod edit methods>myself. Hoping one day I will actually follow threw with it. I am giving myself a week. If not by <mod edit methods>, maybe a <mod edit methods>. I figure if I don't have <mod edit methods>. That may be my second option. I need to find a way soon. My time is done here. Nothing else for me.
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 23, 2013
  2. kote

    kote Account Closed

    sorry there are no mods online to say you are not allowed to go into details about methods.

    but i do understand how you feel and the pain of suicidal thoughts constantly. im glad you have found this place and have the courage to post. that first post is the most difficult. dont worry you are safe now. we are a warm and friendly community and we dont judge. so at least while you are here you can lift that heavy burden you are carrying and hopefully with time you will learn to forgive yourself. a lot of mental illness and suicidal thoughts is all about self forgiveness. well here we have already forgiven you and you are an upstanding man and deserve our respect. stay with us and you will feel the same too. life is all about making mistakes. sometimes big huge fuck ups!!! but then we learn to be better people from that. please use your experience to learn to be better. we are only human and that means we all make mistakes in whatever shape or form. you are here and safe. join in with everyone in the chat room and you will see some of the kindest people in the world. please do take care as i and we all do care!!!
  3. Sublimity

    Sublimity Member

    The fact that you have written this post is a big step in the right direction. The first rule of anything is to admit you have a problem. You now need to address it. So, talk to your wife, explain that you understand where you went wrong and ask her what she would like from you.
  4. Raphael1

    Raphael1 Well-Known Member

    Please for your wife, she deserves all the strength you can get to help here.

    Isn't just about you. This is about her and the family too.

    Think of how it effects them. Don't do anything dramatic, just slowly bit by bit improve yourself and make it better, and put the past behind you ok?

    It's never to late to turn things around.

    Don't let guilt eat you alive. talk about it, get help to pull yourself out of the shame, restore yourself and get past depression. You owe this much.
    Cant give up on this ok.

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