I have been struggling with some ups and downs over the past week or so. I felt pretty high on saturday, but the past couple days I have felt myself crashing and im back down to being depressed today. But even when I was kind of on a high or in a good mood ETC I knew that I would be coming right back down. All my good moods are farce, a farce brought on by my disease. There are no good moods. Only highs that the disease gives me. I was debating calling off my January plans, but I now know for sure that its what I need to do... I have come to peace with the fact that I simply do not want to be alive anymore. Only a month and a half left....Thank you all on here that have given me your advice and support..it means alot. But I think this is the best choice I can make.