I Do Not Want to be Here Anymore...

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Paramedic21, Nov 16, 2010.

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  1. Paramedic21

    Paramedic21 Well-Known Member

    I have been struggling with some ups and downs over the past week or so. I felt pretty high on saturday, but the past couple days I have felt myself crashing and im back down to being depressed today. But even when I was kind of on a high or in a good mood ETC I knew that I would be coming right back down. All my good moods are farce, a farce brought on by my disease. There are no good moods.

    Only highs that the disease gives me. I was debating calling off my January plans, but I now know for sure that its what I need to do... I have come to peace with the fact that I simply do not want to be alive anymore. Only a month and a half left....Thank you all on here that have given me your advice and support..it means alot. But I think this is the best choice I can make.
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    no it is not the best choice it is never the best choice not for you your child your family There is no way this is the best choice You need to get in and get some mediation now and quit letting the illness dictate to you what it wants
    Get the depression treated and all this dam distorted thoughts will be gone
    You know that dam it so go get treated and get WELL now.
  3. CatherineC

    CatherineC Staff Alumni

    Have you had the right diagnosis? It sounds like you're on the Bi Polar spectrum. If you are but they're only treating you for depression then you're on a one way journey to nothing. You need to be treated for the highs as well as the lows.
    If you're not receiving the right treatment then it's natural that you won't want to be alive anymore. How are you supposed to cope? Please go back to your doctor and make sure that you've got the right diagnosis and the right meds. This is the illness talking and you can't let it win, especially if you have a child.
    Sending hugs, xxx
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