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I do really desperate things online

A_J_R

Well-Known Member
#1
I think I reek of desperation, with every post or photo I share. And to be fair, I guess I hope someone will notice that I'm dying for some attention, or to be told I'm beautiful or important. But even if I can get that out of someone, it fades quickly.

Today someone posted a pic of me, just sharing an image, but it was so hideous. They posted several pics of people and everyone else looked fine. I think they couldn't find a good photo of me, and just had to go with whatever they could.

I am very insecure, but the kind of job I have often has me doing things with the public (pre-pandemic), so for every image I see of myself that makes me cringe, I take a selfie, which is me controlling the image and making it what I want. It's like I'm trying to make myself believe that I am THAT person... the one that it takes 1000 pics to capture. Then I see another picture that someone else took and I can see how hideous I am. I've tried to explain this but no one seems to understand how deeply it hits me. It's very superficial, but when I was much younger, I was told I was ugly... A LOT... and often by the boys I liked. So, it's just something that sits with me always.

Then I start to think that every time I post a selfie, people are laughing. Like, they think I must be so incredibly stupid to think I am not the ugliest person in the room.

Anyway, it really set me back today. Possibly because I've been missing someone an awful lot, and I know he's interested in many beautiful women, and it has made me extra self-conscious. Like, when he was here and interested in me, it was the only time in my entrie life I felt worthwhile. Now I feel like nothing. And so desperate.
 

Champagne

✯✯ Heart of an angel ✯✯
Staff Alumni
SF Supporter
#2
Hey there, I know you do not want advice but wanted to tell you I read this and wanted to offer some hugs, from the people I know around me I just wanna say you are definitely not alone. I sympathise with you.
*hug *hug *hug
 

A_J_R

Well-Known Member
#3
Hey there, I know you do not want advice but wanted to tell you I read this and wanted to offer some hugs, from the people I know around me I just wanna say you are definitely not alone. I sympathise with you.
*hug*hug*hug
Thank you very much. This was very sweet and made me cry. I appreciate it.
 

Champagne

✯✯ Heart of an angel ✯✯
Staff Alumni
SF Supporter
#4
Awww you are very welcome. Not advice but a song that might make you feel a 'lil better, massive hugs for you *hug

 

KM76710

Kangaroo Manager
SF Pro
SF Supporter
#5
I believe you are important and hope you feel the same about yourself. Otherwise you would have never joined and joined in or just disappeared.
 

johnDoen

Outsider in the Realm of Lost and Found
#6
I think I reek of desperation, with every post or photo I share. And to be fair, I guess I hope someone will notice that I'm dying for some attention, or to be told I'm beautiful or important. But even if I can get that out of someone, it fades quickly.

Today someone posted a pic of me, just sharing an image, but it was so hideous. They posted several pics of people and everyone else looked fine. I think they couldn't find a good photo of me, and just had to go with whatever they could.

I am very insecure, but the kind of job I have often has me doing things with the public (pre-pandemic), so for every image I see of myself that makes me cringe, I take a selfie, which is me controlling the image and making it what I want. It's like I'm trying to make myself believe that I am THAT person... the one that it takes 1000 pics to capture. Then I see another picture that someone else took and I can see how hideous I am. I've tried to explain this but no one seems to understand how deeply it hits me. It's very superficial, but when I was much younger, I was told I was ugly... A LOT... and often by the boys I liked. So, it's just something that sits with me always.

Then I start to think that every time I post a selfie, people are laughing. Like, they think I must be so incredibly stupid to think I am not the ugliest person in the room.

Anyway, it really set me back today. Possibly because I've been missing someone an awful lot, and I know he's interested in many beautiful women, and it has made me extra self-conscious. Like, when he was here and interested in me, it was the only time in my entrie life I felt worthwhile. Now I feel like nothing. And so desperate.
I jumped from a 2-meter shed (2m = 6.56 feet) to the ground for a dare. We all can be desperate for others' attention online or not.
I think you wanted to be called beautiful from all those posted (probably deleted by now) selfies. Well, you are beautiful. I don't need a selfie for that. Don't listen to anyone who keep annoyingly calling you ugly.
 

A_J_R

Well-Known Member
#7
Thank you for the empathy. It means a lot that anyone responded. I was feeling better yesterday. Today I'm back in the hole. I'm not sure what I'm looking for or what I want, but everything feels so messy and so unendingly sad. I'm having a hard time.
 

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