I don’t think my eating disorder ever left

CBunny9

Well-Known Member
#1
So I’m trying to workout regularly still but my work schedule is so insane that most days I don’t get it in. This has made me very conscious of and anxious about what I eat, and most days I make a point to skip a meal since I’m not working out which I know isn’t healthy and actually makes me feel awful.

I really want to workout when I get home but I didn’t eat nearly enough yesterday and today I have a headache and I’m queasy. But I’m so anxious about gaining a lot of weight especially starting BC and being in a relationship. It’s honestly so frustrating. I know I should listen to my body, which is telling me I need to rest and maybe eat something, but I also can’t help thinking that working out while hungry will just help me burn more fat.

I’m sorry for posting this here. I just don’t know where else to go.
 

Human Ex Machinae

Void Where Prohibited
#4
CB, I think the single most important thing a person can do is to eat healthy. Exercise is important of course, but that component of good health is dependent on good nutrition. The healthier you eat, the more energy you'll have to exercise. And, it is also possible to start losing significant amounts of weight by simply switching to a healthy diet, without doing a lot of intensive exercise.
 

VioletDawn

SF Supporter
#5
There's nothing to apologise for. It's my personal belief that eating disorders tend to lurk in the background even after we're "recovered". I had gotten control of mine only to find it reared its ugly head again. I'm sorry it's so difficult for you at the moment.
 

Innocent Forever

🐒🥜🍌
Staff Alumni
SF Supporter
#6
I’m sorry you have to deal with this too. It’s honestly so awful.
At the moment I'm actually eating way too much junk and gaining weight but I'm not trying to stop as I then won't eat anything and any time I eat I'll feel like I have to get rid of the food (which I often feel and try do something about as it is).
Sending loadsa hugs and strength your way.
Have you ever read the book Goodbye ED hello me? I began reading it - need to finish it - and really like a lot of what she says.
 

Walker

Admin
SF Social Media
SF Author
SF Supporter
#7
I imagine you see the errors in your thinking here so I'm going to hold up on the advice :) Just sending hugs and well wishes.
 
#8
So I’m trying to workout regularly still but my work schedule is so insane that most days I don’t get it in. This has made me very conscious of and anxious about what I eat, and most days I make a point to skip a meal since I’m not working out which I know isn’t healthy and actually makes me feel awful.

I really want to workout when I get home but I didn’t eat nearly enough yesterday and today I have a headache and I’m queasy. But I’m so anxious about gaining a lot of weight especially starting BC and being in a relationship. It’s honestly so frustrating. I know I should listen to my body, which is telling me I need to rest and maybe eat something, but I also can’t help thinking that working out while hungry will just help me burn more fat.

I’m sorry for posting this here. I just don’t know where else to go.
I'm a bit late to answer. I hope you're doing OK.
I can totally relate to this. I 'recovered' from ED (I call him Ugly Ed) a couple of years back and am still struggling now and then. Ed is a sneaky son of a bitch. Especially when I'm stress, under pressure, etc.
I recovered from bulimia and orthorexia. What you said above about feeling anxious and awful about not exercising and not eating healthy reminds me of myself. I'm not saying that you're the same. But feeling awful, anxious, the obsession with burning fat and shaming yourself are patterns of Ed for me. Recognising these help me to be gentle with myself and step away from Ed when he seems to right and goddamn tempting.
You probably know this already. But listening to your body is what helps. Your body knows what you need, when you really give your body time. Your body doesn't want 'perfect'. It wants what is good for you right now. So maybe your circumstances have changed and you exercise less and eat a little bit more. So what. Taking your time to find a new routine that works for you is wayyyyy more important.
Don't let Ugly Ed get to you! You've come such a long way and have learnt so much.
 

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