I dont believe things will ever get better...

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Amanda, Jun 9, 2015.

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  1. Amanda

    Amanda Well-Known Member

    There I said it. I dont believe things will ever change or get better. I will still be living this crap life ten or twenty years from now, and I hate it. I want out.
     
  2. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hiyas Amanda! Have you relapsed again or are you sober? It's great you are here talking to us, talking is good, helps get it all out. What would you like to be like in an ideal world realistically? There's no reason you cannot do what you want. You're smart, intelligent, strong, this is just a blip in the road!
     
  3. Amanda

    Amanda Well-Known Member

    Im still clean and sober.

    I want to go back to school and become a nurse.
     
  4. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Yay well done honey, i am so proud of you, that is a great achievement. Congrats.

    Why can't you go back to college? What is preventing you?
     
  5. Amanda

    Amanda Well-Known Member

    When I got kicked out of university last June I lost my student loan status. So in order to get student loans again I have to pay for four (now 3 cause I did one) courses out of my own pocket before I become eligible for loans again. I cant do nursing until I am back on student loans. It just feels insurmountable. I mean I know its not but thats how it feels. I would rather just commit suicide than have to jump through all these hoops to get my loan funding back.
     
  6. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hi again,

    I don't know anything about how it works there. How much out of pocket would you have to pay up front? Do you have to start back in university all over again or do you have some years over with?
     
  7. Amanda

    Amanda Well-Known Member

    I have to come up with about $1200... And the nursing course is an accelerated 16 month program to be a Licensed Practical Nurse.
     
  8. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Do you have family that could help you out, or could you save up until the school year starts up again?
     
  9. Amanda

    Amanda Well-Known Member

    No, no family will help me out. And I can save but saving means I can only take 1 course at a time, so it will take me years before I can even start the nursing courses.

    Suicide would be so much easier.
     
  10. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Is there any other courses you can take that interest you or have you looked at any other colleges?

    Suicide is not the answer. As they say when you are going through hell keep going.
     
  11. Amanda

    Amanda Well-Known Member

    I dont think you quite understand, I have to pay for 3 more courses out of my own pocket, so roughly $1200. They can be any courses but I have to complete them BEFORE my student loans will be reinstated. So I cant take any nursing courses anywhere until those 3 courses are done as the nursing courses cant be taken one at a time, which is the only way I can afford to take these three courses. And as I have to take them one at a time it will take me 3 semesters or roughly 2 years to finish them. So Im screwed.
     
  12. Starting Over

    Starting Over Active Member

    Hi Amanda,

    I don't have an answer to your immediate financial dilemma, but I just wanted to say that to those of us who have spent a decent amount of time in the hospital know that nurses, not doctors, usually have the greatest impact on a patient's experience. I hope you continue to pursue your education. We need more people helping others like you :)
     
  13. AAA3330

    AAA3330 Well-Known Member

    I feel the same way. My mind is messed up and I'm sure that it's never going to get better for me.
     
  14. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Sorry to hear of your difficult issues with the student loans. Take one day at a time and you owe it to yourself to stay clean and sober. you deserve that :)
     
  15. Amanda

    Amanda Well-Known Member

    I dont intend to go back out drinking and using but I do intend to end my miserable life.
     
  16. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    How old are you again? (sorry it has slipped from my mind)?
    would you do volunteer work to keep your mind off of things in the meantime, it helped me :)
    plese do not end your life, that wouldn't solve anything.
     
  17. Amanda

    Amanda Well-Known Member

    Im 27. I do volunteer in a local charity thrift store twice a week.
     
  18. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Near my age so, im 26 :) does the volunteering help you mental health wise? does it give you a lift or more value of yourself?
     
  19. Amanda

    Amanda Well-Known Member

    I just turned 27 on the 21st of May.

    It does get my spirits up volunteering there when I am there. However it doesn't seem to help me feel any better all the rest of the time, Im still just super depressed, always wishing I could hurt myself and be back in the hospital, the only place I'm truly happy. Maybe I should volunteer at the hospital.
     
  20. Amanda

    Amanda Well-Known Member

    Im starting to see a light of hope at the end of my tunnel of despair.
     
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