Sorry if this doesnt make sense, iv been awake for over 24 hours now. I dont belong here I dont belong at work I dont belong in my family I dont belong there I dont belong amid the living I dont belong with the dead I dont belong any where More and more im feeling like there is no place for me. Where should i go? What should i do? Mum has given me 3 months. Iv given myself 2 weeks. Im always on the out side looking in, never participating. If i do no one has fun. Im the soul sapper, the light stealer. They enjoy telling me how much fun they have, im not sure if they realise how much this hurts me. If i join in everyone has long faces, the arguments start. I freak out because i cant deal with all the emotions the yelling. This is when i want to die the most. Im happiest on my own but i want company and interaction. I want friends but i push people away. No one thinks im interesting so they dont include me. All i get now is "oh you wouldnt want to come". How do they know? I miss the times i can remember as a child. I never really had " Friends" but my over active imagination kept me company. I used to be friends with the wind. Id spend hours walking the streets playing with it, talking to it. I used to be so sad on calm days, i had no one to talk to. What to do if you have spent that long in your own company you dont know how to react around people? But still crave that interaction, still want people to be around even if they dont speak. Knoticing you, but still make you want to run and hide away. I realised today i hate to make eye contact, even when people are being nice, i stare either at some thing else or watch the way there lips move. If im walking the streets and catch some ones eye i feel ashamed and scared. Stare at the floor. What to do if you dont belong any where? Thank you for reading and again sorry of this didnt make sense. If i didnt get that out of my head i think it would of exploded.