i dont belong anywhere.

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by fts...., Jul 12, 2007.

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  1. fts....

    fts.... Guest

    can't do anything atm. i have awhile 'til i can do anythign at all. but i know how to make it look like an accident. ive figured everything out. its perfect. i'm smart when i have to be. that brings me an overwhelming sense of peace.

    everyones left me. or i didn't have anyone to begin with (and anon...... whine, whine...... blah, blah......). this is perfect timing though. i was struggling anyway. this is the ultimate reason i went through with it.. i really didn't have to. it was great though. good move on my part. no sarcasm there.

    theres no point in talking much anymore..... theres too much to mention..... not enough to mention. not enough time. im not going to get much more of a break for the next few days. i shuldnt be up here in his office to begin with. have to..... delete web history. or maybe it's better i didn't? hell if I care.

    i just needed this said.

    Pain is the first symptom of reality.

    And the last.

    turns out nothing ever was. i knew it all along. i knew it. i can't even trust the people i trusted. and how STUPID was i for trusting to begin with!!

    how STUPID am i always!!

    i feel good though. i'm going to fix all this. so what if its selfish? i am every negative quality there ever was, really. so what difference does it make? one more act of stupidity or selfishness or immorality or what-it-may-be cant hurt. 'sides, this act should undo all the others.

    you don't need to know who this is, nor will you. i want to avoid all "I think I know who this is"'s..

    please be unselfish enough not to want to deter me from reaching my peace, shuld you figure it out.

    i'm sorry i've said anything in the first place. i just really needed it said.

    it should be my third-to-last form of relief anyway.

    second-to-last being letters and phonecalls.

    thanks world, for the good times... for the great friday nights. its been fun these all years. been fun.

  2. Jenny

    Jenny Staff Alumni


    I am sorry that my reply to this post is so late.. how are you doing now? I wish i had the words or power to help make things better. But all i can do is offer friendship and support, and hope that things improve for you soon and that you don't harm yourself.

    Please take care and keep writing if it helps
  3. liveinhope

    liveinhope Well-Known Member

    Like Jenny ive only just picked up this post you ask for people not to deter you but these are people that care about you and also care what happens to you. How are you doing now why not pm if its more private for you ill be logged in for at least another hour please dont be alone
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