I don't belong here.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by absolom, Feb 8, 2016.

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  1. absolom

    absolom Banned Member

    I want to go and be with my mom. I hate it here. I don't belong here.
    It physically hurts every minute of every day. Only time it doesn't hurt is when I am passed out.
    It won't be suicide... it is simply being defeated by a hard struggle to stay alive.
    They say suicide is selfish, but what is truly selfish is for others to demand you endure an intolerable existence.
  2. Freya

    Freya Loves SF Staff Member ADMIN

    I am sorry you are in so much pain. What makes you feel like you don't belong? Are you seeing a doctor to get help with how you feel? You say passed out rather than asleep - are you drinking or self medicating to achieve that?

    Keep talking to us *hugs*
  3. NYJmpMaster

    NYJmpMaster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    While your mother was here i am sure you wanted her here very much, and the fact she is not is causing you this amount of pain would be ample reason to understand why people say what they do about suicide, because it is not ending pain - it is handing it off on others to carry and endure. That said, nobody should be forced to endure pain either- so really the answer is not in suicide but in making the pain so it is lessened or even dissipated to the point it is for most with some good days some bad days and a lot of very much indifferent days. What is about your life that is causing so much pain now?
    sahel likes this.
  4. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hi there, I just want to say I am SO sorry for the loss of your mom. A guy in my village committed suicide like 15 years ago in my village because his mom died (probably for other reasons too) but the gist of it was he was heartbroken. His family are still devastated to this day. I am not in any way trying to pass guilty feelings and thoughts, if my mom died I would want to be with her so I am not going to judge you but would your mom want you to leave for her, I get you loved your mom etc.. but please try counselling first and see how you can figure out to deal with grief. She would want you to be happy so please try and make that possible. Let them dark thoughts leave you and say fuck this (excuse my french) and try to make the best of what you have left. I am sure you have a lot to offer the world and I am sure your mom would think so too. I am really sorry for how you are feeling but every day belongs to you
    absolom and sahel like this.
  5. sahel

    sahel SF Supporter

    If your mom was still with you, you would have her kindness, support, and unconditional love, to go through bumpy parts of the life, I am so sorry about your loss. But, I think that you still have all those support,kindness and love, even though, it's much harder to feel them. I think she still cares and loves you, and what she really wants the most, is for you to be happy and live your life for both of you. You are right, nobody should endure pain. But I think being in love, in general, means giving a higher priority to what the other person wants rather than what you want. So, hopefully, thinking/caring about what she would want or what she still wants for you, makes it a little bit easier to go through the tough times.
    NYJmpMaster likes this.
  6. SillyOldBear

    SillyOldBear Teddy Bear Fanatic Staff Member Safety & Support

    How long has it been since your mom died? Come May, my mom will have been gone for 30 years. I still miss her. I look at her picture often. But she would be absolutely miserable if she were still alive. One of the harsh realities of life is that parents die. But we are so very unprepared for it. My suggestion to you would be to think of all the wonderful memories you shared with her. Keep those memories close to your heart, alive in your heart. All the love she had for you is still there. It is a part of you. It will never go away.
    absolom likes this.
  7. absolom

    absolom Banned Member

    It's been 6 years now. The memories are too painful. They just exaggerate the fact that everything is gone. I know good memories are supposed to make you happy, but it is the opposite for me.
  8. sahel

    sahel SF Supporter

    No idea about your believes but, maybe thinking of she doing better now, and she being in a nice happy place would help you deal with your terrible loss.
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