This has been an issue for me for a very long time. I find it very difficult to do things that benefit me, big or small. I've made some progress in the time that I've been here; brushing my teeth once a day most days rather than every few days and cutting down on eating to try and lose weight. It's still not as much as I should be doing though and I know this, yet I still find it hard to justify actually doing anything about it. I don't exercise at all, which is probably the reason why my legs got as bad as they are. My sleep is shit, but I don't do anything to make it better, I just accept it. I also haven't washed in a long time, so I look disgusting and my scalp is an itchy mess often covered in spots that can be a pain in the ass.
So many of these things I just don't bother trying to make better. I pretty much only think about how much I'd like to change these things when they are actively distressing me, like when I wake up feeling horrible or when we have guests over and I worry about them seeing me like this. Once those moments are over, I basically just forget about it until the next one.
I don't know why I'm like this. My lack of self worth is the only thing I know of that would be affecting this, but I've never really been able to improve on that in any meaningful way. It makes me scared for the future, for when the inevitable time comes where I won't have my parents taking care of the bare essentials like food and such. I always come to the conclusion that killing myself is the best option at that point, because I'm just incredibly useless and won't be able to survive because of that.
So many of these things I just don't bother trying to make better. I pretty much only think about how much I'd like to change these things when they are actively distressing me, like when I wake up feeling horrible or when we have guests over and I worry about them seeing me like this. Once those moments are over, I basically just forget about it until the next one.
I don't know why I'm like this. My lack of self worth is the only thing I know of that would be affecting this, but I've never really been able to improve on that in any meaningful way. It makes me scared for the future, for when the inevitable time comes where I won't have my parents taking care of the bare essentials like food and such. I always come to the conclusion that killing myself is the best option at that point, because I'm just incredibly useless and won't be able to survive because of that.