I dont care anymore

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by spidy, Nov 26, 2009.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. spidy

    spidy Well-Known Member

    Who really gives a sht no one so i dont which the end result is a memory but someone has to care first to become one.Food for the worms is the result fck it.Will have ago at my arm to see if it calms me but doubt it i just dont want to be here or live thrgh this i really DONT
     
  2. Tam

    Tam Well-Known Member

    Well I'd like you to be more than just a memory. You're not a bad person you don't deserve this. Just get through it, one day at a time for now. :hug:
     
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Anger i can hear it in your post something i use alot to keep me going. It is alright to get angry but use that energy to get help for you. Use the energy from the anger to phone someone and say hey i need help now. Call crisis your doctor hospital anyone and tell them your hurting and you need your meds changed you need councilling fight for you don't harm you fight to get help you need you deserve. You are important you are.
     
  4. Scully

    Scully Well-Known Member

    I care for you life. Some deserve to rot, but you're not one of them. Plesae PM me if you need okay? You don't hesitate a while, you vent, you can be vukgar, I'm not easily shocked. The "secret" is that you have to accept yourself, I'm not even talking about love, but be okay. WE're all here to help you do that. Hold on buddy :cheekkiss: PLEASE.
     
  5. spidy

    spidy Well-Known Member

    Yes im very angry at the crap thats been thown at me and the crap tht keeps rising and flung at at me.Im pissed tht i cant get over some off this crap im pissed tht little thngs piss me lately basically im pissed off fed up had enough and cant seem to pick myself up
     
  6. spidy

    spidy Well-Known Member

    Thnks for ya kind words i cant seem to accept myself in fact i hate me to bits as what i am now is dirt.Im old enough to know not too play with blades and crap but what do i do.I dont like what i have become and feel tht its my fault should never have got to this point in life now i cant get out of it
     
  7. spidy

    spidy Well-Known Member

    Memory of old spidy prob best new spidy up to sht.Must have done something bad to be like i am nowMaybe i have deserved this i really dont know but day in day out im not coping with it
     
  8. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    You're not dirt, and you don't deserve this. You're worth a lot more than you realize, and what you're going through isn't your fault. You've got every right to be angry. :hug: But please don't give up. People care about you; I do, and I can see from the replies here that others do too. At least let us try to be here for you. You don't have to go through life alone.
     
  9. spidy

    spidy Well-Known Member

    I love this site and the ppl here but i feel like dirt because all i seem to be doing living breathing harm to myself seems like its one big curse put upon me.I cant even face my friends anymore tried today just was so uncomfortable so seems i need to really exclude myself from the world which comes down to whats the point waking up everyday.I need to work but i cant even face tht at the moment and ive always been hard worker mostly 7 days a week but the thght of work now makes me so uptight.I went to hosp for a week seems thts done fck all for me as everytime i get bck to the real world i fall to bits.I wish just wish thgts of killing myself actions of attempting cutting would all just dissapear but they not going to are they.I put my head down every nght first thghts is where how and when no matter how much i try to block them they are just getting stronger.The cutting has become more frequent i have about 20 cuts on one arm which all i,m doing is cutting over scars now but seems to calm me fck knows why.So really im down rght numbnut who cant get his sht togeather and who is completly lost.I cant find anyway out and really i know im big danger to myself as the thghts over take my logic thnking away guess im doomed
     
  10. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    You're not doomed. You're doing the best you can, and at least you're still here. Try to take things one day at a time, or even a few hours at a time if that's what you need to do.

    When you have those thoughts, can you start writing? Just write what's going through your head, write out how you're feeling. Sometimes it works as a distraction, just keeps you doing something and keeps your hands busy so you're less likely to hurt yourself.

    *hugs* Here if you need anything. Try to keep holding on.
     
  11. johnnysays

    johnnysays Well-Known Member

    Can't be much worse off than me. My life is in the gutters. I don't have thoughts of killing myself, but I am a miserable peice of trash. I'm 32, I'm not a little boy dreaming this up. I fail at life. The only question is whether i"ll continue to eat dirt and shame everyone.
     
  12. molsen187

    molsen187 Member

    the cutting is becoming a habit and like all bad habits it is hard to break. you can do it but it hard. you need to find another outlet for your anger, thats why you cut it your coping mechanism. i know it easier said than done. you have trouble hanging out with your friends cause you feel guilty about what you are doing, you don't have to feel that way. isolating yourself from you friends is only going to make things worse. if they are your friends they will want to help you,and you can't be that big a piece of sht if other people are you friends. isolating yourself leads to negative thinking which leads to poor decision making. the best thing to do is get out and try and enjoy life, easier said than done, but it will make you feel better. i go thru cycles where i want to die but it only gets worse the more i dwell on it, when i get out and do things i'm too busy to think about hurting myself. do you have any hobbies? that might give you something to ingross yourself in.
     
  13. spidy

    spidy Well-Known Member

    Um my friends have slowly pushed me away too is why i isolate myself now i feeel like a wierdo.Just found out today my counciller is going away next week until after new year which had 3 appointments up to today councelled cause he been crook so tht fcked.He was meant to come to a place today with me as i cant seem to do sht by myself at moment but he wasnt at work.Really dont seem like anyone cares and as i titled this i dont care anymore i really fcking dont im so sorry to be alive.Sorry im not having a go at anyone on this forum as i said to someone today here has prob saved my life couple of times but i m getting beyond everything.ILL BE HERE MOST OF THE NGHT I DO REALLY NEED TO TALK TO SOMEONE I M NOT RGHT AT MOMENT
     
  14. johnnysays

    johnnysays Well-Known Member

    Only relationship I have with you is I fail at life too.

    Do you consider that council? I hope so.

    Anything else I could say would just push people away, get me mad, and generally cause mayhem and confusion. Period.
     
  15. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    What was it he was going to help you do today?

    Not sure what time it is where you are, but I'll be around all day. So if you want to talk, either post back here or drop me a PM.
     
  16. spidy

    spidy Well-Known Member

    Was gunna come to mens resource center with me as he dosnt even know what its about and im not good at doing this shit alone um now what do i do i know i can go alone but i cant face anythng like this alone only place im comfortable at moment is here on this forum
     
  17. spidy

    spidy Well-Known Member

     
  18. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    If you feel comfortable here, then stay here for a while. Maybe at some point you can find someone that can go with you to that center. But for now, you have to do what's going to keep you safe.
     
  19. spidy

    spidy Well-Known Member

    Not joking knowing i have here to come keeps me alive best support ive ever received
     
  20. spidy

    spidy Well-Known Member

    sorry ive lost it and im loosing im checking out tomorrow or mon enough is enough sorry to be such a negative person here wish i could give good advice to ppl but if i do im a hypocrit im not well fck this cant handle this bullshit life anymore help has gone im destined too only be a fck up I HATE MY LIFE im not going thrgh this any longer i have enough pills now no joke im oveer all this im just not good for anyone my lows just bring everyone down so this low life will attempt again and follow thrgh this time TAKE CARE ALL SORRY IM A FCKUP AND THNX FOR THE SUPPORT BUT IM TOO FAR GONE>ALL OF YA THT CAN GET HELP DO IT LOVE YA ALL AND THIS FORUM AND REMEMBER WE ALL NORMAL REST OF THE WORLD AINT TAKE CARE
     
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.