i don't care

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by endlessskies58, Mar 11, 2009.

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  1. endlessskies58

    endlessskies58 Well-Known Member

    im so tired of this. i'm tired of life.

    i'm holding on by a thread.

    i hate when my parents do nice things for me because its like blackmail to keep me going.

    i just want to end it. i've finished the endeavors of my life

    i am absolutely f**king alone!

    all of my friends are distant. if i want friendship i have to call them. especially since it seems most of them are in relationships or acquaintances. i'm tired of the effort. if no one gives a sh*t about me then i'm done...

    i've been alone ever since i was a child. i would always play alone.

    and now, me isolated after being in a relationship for 3 years... on the other side, he's doing great... but now that we don't even talk i don't care anymore. the hope is gone. he was my best friend and even he doesn't want me.

    i don't care anymore. he was my reason for caring.

    i feel empty. pointless. i can't see the future anymore. i think i'm dying. i want to fall into it. all i need is a reason to not care and i'm being given that.
     
  2. Godsdrummer

    Godsdrummer Guest

    Erika,

    Relationships seem to be one of the common reasons people eventually find their way here to SF, at least from what I have read.

    My broken relationship is what led me here too.

    I don't know if these words will help you or not, but I am 42 years old. I know....based on my life experiences, that people come in and out of our lives constantly.

    I have had people that were best friends, coworkers, my wife, ex girlfriends, family members and the list goes on and on....and now they are gone.

    But I hang on....because...there are now new people in my life. People whome I couldnt have imagined just some months before. My neighbor, my landlord (yes..I am friends with my landlord, lol), my new coworkers...the guys down at AA...and the new list is growing.

    maybe one day there will be a new girl for me somewhere in that list.

    So....what I am trying to say, is that someday, you will have new people in your life. And in that new list of people for you, will be the next guy. And you may fall deeper in love and have a much better relationship than you could have ever dreamed of right now.

    I know it hurts. I went thru 20 years of marriage. I know it hurts.

    But let's hang on for each other. (((((hugs)))))
     
  3. endlessskies58

    endlessskies58 Well-Known Member

    thank you so much! it means so much to me... i feel so hopeless right now :blub:
     
  4. Godsdrummer

    Godsdrummer Guest

    Yeah....I know that feeling well.

    What you have to try and do, is forget about him for now. This has to be your time. Start doing things for you. Go out and get your hair done. Go shopping. maybe get some Chinese food. I find it hard to be upset when I am gorging myself on chinese food. :biggrin:

    Seriously though....this has to be Erika's time. And when you start feeling better about things....as you grow and learn to live with the challenges that life gives all of us, then you will start to heal. Then...my friend, then...you will be able to start dating again. Then you will be able to think about him with fond happy memories and not the saddness you feel now.

    I know it's easier said than done....I am going to my divorce court next Monday.

    but we have to try, right!

    You will have better days!
     
  5. mdmefontaine

    mdmefontaine Antiquities Friend

    hey hun, , forpetessake is right. ..

    i came here too, b/c of a broken relationship. and i have made some new friendships here, very good ones, and i have realized that my life is not just living for one person. . there are many reasons to live and to create a quality life.
    i hope you do that
    and i am glad you are here. . lean on us, we are here for you.
    pm if you want to talk.
    xx:hug:
     
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