I don't deserve the sunshines rays

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by THWMYWTFBTLWMYWTD, Dec 18, 2006.

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  1. My screen name for this post is the first letter of a few words from a song that means something to me, incase your confused. Just hope no one figures it out lol.

    Firstly i am a very active member here and have made some great friends here, some i use to be close to but not so close now. I care so much for you all. If anyone does figure out who i am, then guess im not that good at hiding my identity lol.

    I wanted to get better, i really do but the last few days i've been thinking about one month in particular January. Thinking about it for a reason which may upset a few people on here and in my life. I can't help thinking about it.

    I promised someone here i woldn't kill myself and as hard as i try to keep that promised i can't stop the thoughts about this, about how much i deserve to die. Deserve to die for worrying and upsetting people on here. I never meant to cause the worry i do but this is who i am. I feel i deserve to die and wether i go with that or against it is uncertain right now. A big part of me want to die but also a big part of me want to live because you never know what life will bring.

    I can't hurt my family anymore, but i can't keep feeling like this because im hurting myself. I want to end it all, end my life but im too coward to do it. I can't get anything right in my life.

    Why don't i have the courage to do it! i need to build it up so i can get it over and done with!
  2. theleastofthese

    theleastofthese SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Go with the part of you that wants to live, there are more possibilities that way.:smile: If you're dead, there are no possibilities at all anymore, but where there's life, there's always hope - even if you can't see it or feel it. Please go with the part of you that wants to live - give yourself a chance. You DO deserve to live, you DO deserve to be happy, you DO deserve the sunshine's rays!:smile: We all do, even the worst among us deserve light.:smile:

    "There's so much good in the worst of us
    and so much bad in the best of us,
    that it's hard to tell which of us
    ought to reform the rest of us".:wink:

    Ogden Nash

    Please don't give up on yourself. I care, even if I don't know you I care about you - you're a living being in misery so you have my compassion and love.:smile:

  3. I don't feel i deserve to live, i feel i am a bad person and i deserved to be punished. The last few weeks i've been feeling really suicidal.

    Even thinking about dates, a specific date i wanna get back at someone in the ulitmate way, he made my life hell all my life. He the reason i feel like this, he made me feel crap, i want this to be with him all his life, he may be related to me, but i don't consider him anything to me.

    I choose to post under another name as i don't wanna upset people on here by talking about me thinking about dates. That way i can't hurt people if they don't know who i am.

    I'm so stressed and the next few days are gonna be even more stressful, if i fail this then thats the end for me, i can't fail again. I just can't.
  4. Sa Palomera

    Sa Palomera Well-Known Member

    I know who you are. And all I can say is that I really really really hope you won't go through with this plan... Nobody would want you to go, and you should learn not to want to let yourself go either... :sad: :hug:

    I love ya, and I really wish you won't go through with any of those plans... :arms:
  5. Ester i would appreciate if you didn't tell anyone who this is.

    I don't know i've im gonna go through with the date, its in less than a month. January the 13th. That day i wanna get back at someone who made me this way. Who made me feel so low of myself. Wether i go through with that or not i don't yet. I proberbly won't have the courage to go throught with it anyway but right now my minds set on that. So if anything pushes me any further thats my back up. All i can do is what and see what happens.

    I can't help feel that this will be the best for everyone including yourself. I DO cause pain, i DO cause hurt. Theres one way to stop them getting hurt over and over again. Yeah they might hurt if i did something but at least their not getting hurt on a constant basis.

    PS. i changed my user name because i fucked it up the first time and thats not how the line goes.
  6. Dates set.

    Someone on here just really upset me. So my date is set. I will die on that day.

    Waiting for the day to arrive now.

    So yeah .... there it is. Setting myself up for hurt and thats the last straw. I can't take anymore of your shit or shutting me out! i just can't.

    - January the 13th - The death of me -
  7. ~CazzaAngel~

    ~CazzaAngel~ Staff Alumni

    Hun, I know who you are and I love ya too bits, please know that life can get better, that this can't get worse if you fight it, we can find a way to get you through this. Please hang in there hun, we all love you and would miss you terribly. It wouldn't seem right at all to be on SF and not see you aroundhun. Please please please! reconsider.

    :hug: :hug: :hug:
  8. urgh why do people realise who this is. I try to help people here, i just tried to help someone i really care about and got it thrown back in my face. Well guess what im done.

    Twice today i've been hurt by people i care so damn much for and im not taking the pain anymore, i refuse to.

    I set myself up for hurt all the time, put myself in hurtful situations because thats all i've ever known. So i do it so it can push me over the edge and it is. So thank you to everyone thats ever hurt me. Thanks you so much.
  9. LetItGo

    LetItGo Staff Alumni

    I really hope you get the help you need before that date. I really do. I know you have the strength to overcome this. You just need to find some space for a while. I really hope the situation improves for you, i really do. :hug:
  10. Whats the point?? All i do is keep getting hurt by people i truely care about and im not taking it anymore. I've said time and time again im not gonna take it and i mean it this time. I just can't take it anymore.

    Being hurt by people here and im in my life. I just can't. I really did wanna get better and i even told you i wanted to but i just can't im gonna feel like for a long time and i just can't take it anymore.

    I got hurt badly twice yesterday by people i REALLY love and care about. I just can't.

    Not anymore. None of you truely know how i feel. Not even the one person i was closest to on here, i hide it from them. Theres one person who i've been talking alot to recently and he's the only person who turely understands why i do this to myself.

    I'm sorry i just can't live life like this anymore. I'm living it for other people not me.
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