My screen name for this post is the first letter of a few words from a song that means something to me, incase your confused. Just hope no one figures it out lol. Firstly i am a very active member here and have made some great friends here, some i use to be close to but not so close now. I care so much for you all. If anyone does figure out who i am, then guess im not that good at hiding my identity lol. I wanted to get better, i really do but the last few days i've been thinking about one month in particular January. Thinking about it for a reason which may upset a few people on here and in my life. I can't help thinking about it. I promised someone here i woldn't kill myself and as hard as i try to keep that promised i can't stop the thoughts about this, about how much i deserve to die. Deserve to die for worrying and upsetting people on here. I never meant to cause the worry i do but this is who i am. I feel i deserve to die and wether i go with that or against it is uncertain right now. A big part of me want to die but also a big part of me want to live because you never know what life will bring. I can't hurt my family anymore, but i can't keep feeling like this because im hurting myself. I want to end it all, end my life but im too coward to do it. I can't get anything right in my life. Why don't i have the courage to do it! i need to build it up so i can get it over and done with!